26 weeks! and 6 days....

Where is the time flying to?  I feel like I was just newly pregnant and we were just finding out we were having a baby boy! Holy crap!

I had my Gestational Diabetes class this past Tuesday and it was way better than I expected.  Thank goodness Justin was able to go with me, because there was so much information! Not to mention I was pretty sick when we went, so listening wasn't a strong suit for me at that point.  I learned some invaluable information about how I should be eating and how I can control this with just food and exercise.  It is crazy what and how food effects our bodies.  So far, my sugars have been in control and been pretty good.  Aside from them being super low at the class and i had to wait and eat something to get them back up before they would release me, they have been spot on.  I also haven't been eating sugar.  Like at all.   This is not as hard as I thought it would be.  I know I can't have it, and I know it's not good for me, so I'm not that tempted.  If I want something sweet, like juice or something that Justin has, I'll just have one sip or one bite.  Nothing that will spike my sugars as if I were to eat or drink the whole thing.  It helps keep the cravings down.

The other thing I've been dealing with is being sick.  This wasn't just your average cold.  It started with the flu that turned into a cold that I still currently have.  It has taken all of my energy away from me as I still fight to stay awake.  I just came back to work yesterday from being off since mid day Thursday.  I left on Thursday from not feeling good, and I think this is the hardest I've been hit in years by it.  I spent Easter Sunday in bed all day long.  No bueno.  I still have some congestion in my chest and nose, and this hacking cough that comes and goes, but no fever or chills anymore...Those were the worst.

The closer we come to having Luke here, the crazier life seems to be getting for us.  So many things are up in the air right now.  Justin's job, when he will go back to work, our move (which is now pushed back until August 2, we won't go into that), to just the unknowns of delivery.  We know that we serve a big a mighty God and we are only limiting Him when we worry and we panic.  Well we sure do worry and panic a lot for some reason, even though we know he is ultimately in control.   On the flip side to all of that, I can't wait for Luke to be here.  I just want to feel that wiggly body in my arms and know that he is alright all the time.  I'm anxious to get our family on a new norm.  I'm anxious to know what life is going to be with him, and I know we will totally forget what life was like without him.  It's been 6 years of just Justin and I.  This is a huge game changer.  Something that we can only prepare ourselves so much for.  I'm excited for it.  I welcome it.  Because there is no going back.  We would never choose to ever go back.  So here's to almost 27 weeks.  I know I need to take a picture, I just haven't because I have looked like death for the past week.  lol.

I hope you are all having a great week so far.  What is God challenging you with this week?  What is He facing you with?  How are you responding to Him?  Praying for you all as you are facing whatever it is He has placed before you.  Love you,

Ambs

That ugly thing called...Gestational Diabetes

Yup I have it.  

This past weekend Justin and I got up at the butt crack of dawn (5 a.m.) to head off to the hospital to get my glucose test done and over with.  I was nervous about being hungry, so we opted to go super early as the lab opens at 6 am.  Yes that orange-y, sugary drink at 6 am is HORRIBLE, but ultimately it didn't taste too bad and I was expecting a lot worse.  I was feeling pretty good until about 20 min in and then I got that barf-y feeling and I just had to breathe through it. I didn't want to "fail" by throwing up so I just grinned and bared it.  We got through the test and went to breakfast.  I was feeling super tired all day and even took a ridiculously long nap when we got home.  At 9 am, I had some test results up on my phone.  (KP.org is an awesome site especially when you have the app on your phone) It was the blood test for my platelets and iron levels.  I knew that I was anemic before and have been taking the recommended iron supplement my midwife told me to take.  So I knew I would be hearing from someone about that.  

Sunday comes around and we have a super busy day of church, family Easter and other things.   I had missed a call and there was a vm but it never came through.  As we were at our brother and sister in law's house I had gone to the restroom and checked my email.   I had a message on KP.org.  I thought......ok here it is, moment of truth.  I opened the email, and there it was in black and white, your blood sugar levels are elevated.  You have gestational diabetes.  Just at that moment, Justin came in to check on me and I invited him into the bathroom with me.  I told him what I just read, and he was super supportive.   He told me it was going to be okay and that we would get through this.  If you don't know me, eating is a curse to me.  I have no control, I love food, and it is literally the END OF THE WORLD when I'm told I can't eat something. I emailed my midwife back and told her my concerns and she responded immediately.  She reassured me it is going to be fine and that Luke was going to be fine.  

I'll be raw and honest here.  Even though I know it happens to so many pregnant women and that I couldn't have done anything to change the fact that I have it, I feel like an utter failure. I know, I know.  But hear me out.  When you are supposed provide everything for your child, and you can't control something, it is the worse feeling ever.  I also feel like there is this stamp on bigger (fluffy) women that you look at them and automatically think....wow I bet she has gestational diabetes.  I have been asked, just a few weeks ago, if I had it. I'm thinking no I don't.  But I really do now.  I have known skinny women to get gestational diabetes.  My Dr told me that it is basically the hormones in your body are what make your body have this.  Your body can' t process the sugar causing a build up of it in your blood due to the extra hormones (estrogen).  If left untreated, it can be harmful to you and your baby.  That is where I feel helpless, even though I'm jumping on the band wagon to nip it in the butt.  I can't control that Luke will be getting over amounts of sugar and possible be a bigger baby.  So all those new born clothes Justin I bought, we are taking them back for a bigger size.  

My other fear is I'm going to be afraid of food now.  As soon as I heard that I had gestational diabetes, I thought....I can't eat anything.  Well, the reality is I can't.  Not if it consisted of how I was eating before.  I've had major food diversions this pregnancy.  Meat being one of them. Veggies, not really my thing either.   I've been living off of eggs and cereal oh and throw in the occasional mac and cheese. Those are the only things that were sitting right with me for a long while.  But now, I can't eat 2/3 of those things.  I have to change my mentality.  I can do this.  I only have 3 more months that I'll be pregnant.  You can do anything for 3 months.  Literally.  It's going to take a lot of planning and prepping, but it will be worth it.  

I have so much support that I know I will be successful and fine.  Now I just have to keep that fire under my butt and not give in to temptation! 

23 weeks and 5 days!

Can you believe how fast it is starting to go?  It has been a while, yet again, since I have put up any kind of update. BUT!  I've been up to a thing or two to start getting ready for our baby boy to come.

I want to first talk about some changes with me and then I'll show you what I've been up to.  I've been averaging about 4 days a week at work.  Whether I'm not feeling good with allergies, cold, or just overly exhausted, I just haven't been making it 5 days a week.  Justin and I talked it over and we decided that it was worth me feeling good to go down to 4 days a week.  So, I have Monday's off now and LOVE having a 3 day weekend.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to do that once Luke is here, so I will just enjoy the time while I have it.  I love being able to spend one more day with Justin.  Since he is still off of work ( I know), I think I will have a hard time once he goes back.  I'm so spoiled to be able to spend so much time with him! I love it!  

About a week and a half ago, I had an accident at work.  I fell on my way back to the office from lunch with the guys.  I was walking to close to the curb and my foot slipped and down I went.  I ended up on all 4's and rolled to my back, (like a ninja, as my coworkers who are all dudes said).  The worst was my knee, I thought it popped out.  It hurt like the dickens and then as I started to get my wits about me to stand, as I was standing, I had a sharp pulling pain in my lower abdomen.  I just doubled over for a few minutes and finally felt like I could walk.  So they got me back to the office and I thought I should just call the nurse hotline ( we have Kaiser Insurance)  to see if I should come in or not.   I sat down and put my knee up ( it was pretty banged up) and they put me through to L and D, and they told me to def come in.  So I spent the afternoon in L and D.  I was quite impressed I must say.  It was a beautiful wing, and they were so kind. They even put ice on my knee for me.  Little Luke was just fine.  I didn't feel him for about 30 minutes after I fell, as I probably jolted him a little and scared him, but he was just fine!

Onto better and less nerve racking things! A couple weeks ago, I got some fabric and I wanted to make burp cloths.  Well, I ended up getting a ton of fabric, and I'm still in the process of making them! I have two different patterns hashed out so far.  I also got the the stuff to finish my mobile for above Luke's crib.  I was all set.  So a few Monday's ago, I started cutting and making the burpies.  Here's a few pictures of how they turned out.  I had to mess around with the shape.  I started with rounded edges and finished with dead square.  I think they turned out pretty good.

Front Side

Back Side

I'm going to be keeping some and selling some.  I didn't realize how many they would actually make! 

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I also wanted to post up pictures of my finished mobile! I did the cut outs by hand and then sewed and stuffed with cotton balls.  I then hung them with white embroidery thread and painted the inside of an embroidery loop.  I was going for simple and cute.  The best part I'd have to say it is cost me no more than $5 bucks. I already had the fabric from the banner I made for above his bed on the wall.  The loop and embroidery thread were super cheap too! 

I still have a few more things that I want to do for his room, but for now I'm pretty happy with how it is all turning out.  We don't have much room to store stuff, and I don't want it to get ruined, so I'm being careful with how much I make.  

Over all, I'm feeling pretty good.  I still don't have a ton of energy.  I have been having an ongoing not feeling comfortable in my own skin type feeling for weeks now.  It makes me just blah.  I don't really want to go out and do much.  Being at home makes me the most comfortable and being in my pj's.  LAME, I know.  I try and walk or do some kind of exercise when I can and have the energy to do so.  Luke is moving and wiggling and he is starting to wake me up in the middle of the night.  It crazy how strong he is. He's so good though.  I only wake up once or twice a night from him.  So I know he is sleeping good at night! I PRAY that will stick when he's here! His mama and daddy like to sleep! Hopefully he will too :-)  I'm starting to feel him higher on my belly, but he still likes to be pretty low.  I don't think he has grasped the fact that he can stretch out.  I love talking to him and sometimes if he's being feisty, he will push or kick my hand where I push on him.  It's really cute.  I can't feel where his body is yet, but I'm sure as he gets bigger, I'll be able to identify that.  We have our monthly check up this Friday and I'll be 24 weeks! Which means......Viability Day! Which means, if he were to, God Forbid, come for any reason, the Dr's would do everything they can for him.  His chance of survival would actually be a chance rather than a non survival rate.  One more milestone to check off the list! 

Hope you all are having a great week! Remember and trust in God's promises and provisions.  He is always good, for every good and perfect gift comes from Him.

Justin and I were talking today about how much heartache we have experienced in waiting on God to have Luke.  How we obediently said okay to God in Him telling us to wait.  I couldn't have pictured our life any different than right now.  Thanks for your support and all your prayers.  We appreciate them and YOU! 

loves and hugs

19 weeks 5 days

I can't believe I am almost half way through this pregnancy.  I will say again, pregnancy is not for the feint of heart.  Some have easy breezy experiences, others have okay experiences (which is where i am), and others just have a rough go at it. For week 19 I found myself going to Disneyland with the Hawkins clan.  We packed up the kiddos and headed for the magical kingdom.  I don't have any pictures because I didn't bring my phone in with me.  I wanted to be present and not be tempted to be on my phone.  I really need to invest in a good camera so I don't have the excuse of...I need my phone to take pictures with.  The kids did really well and I think I pooped out before the kids did.  I started getting a pretty bad headache around 5 pm that kept getting worse.  I also was having horrible deep sinus issues.  I remember having Justin pressing on my forehead while we were in line getting everyone ice cream while everyone else found a spot to watch the parade.  I was just done.   I'm sorry family for complaining! I digress....the kids had so much fun which is what we were aiming for.  They did have a lot of the rides down for maintenance.  I guess that's a thing in the winter, which makes sense.  We had a really nice lunch in DT Disney and then ate dinner in the park.
I ended up staying home from work on Tuesday as I woke up with that same darn headache.  I think I was just over exhausted as well.  This body hasn't done that much walking in one day in a LONG time.  lol.  It was good for me though.


I had Justin take a photo of my belly before we left for Disneyland and this is it:

 19 Weeks 3 days

I don't know about you, but I think I look smaller than last week.  Not sure why or what happened.  Could be the angle.  Let me show you 18 weeks again: 

18 weeks ? days 

Oh wait I do know why.  Above picture was taken in the morning.  18 week picture was taken at night.  That makes sense now.  lol.  

How am I feeling?  

I'm feeling good overall. Still pretty tired.  I am having more round ligament pain as well as shooting pain in that area even at rest.  I can feel Luke moving around way more and I can feel when he kicks me in the front.  I still can't feel when he kicks into me (towards my back).  I'm sure that will come soon enough.  Justin is anxious to feel Luke kick from the outside.  I've only experienced one kick so far that was hard enough to be able to maybe feel from the outside.  I have a pretty thick layer of fat covering my belly. (Just being real) 

I know that will come soon enough.  I love being able to feel Luke all the time as it reminds me I'm never alone. I know God is always with me, but I have a little human attached to me at all times! 

Hope you all are having a great week! 

Much Love! 

18 weeks 3 days

So yesterday after church, Justin and I were sitting in the front office alone.  Justin was doing money stuff for his men's retreat coming up and I was just hanging out.  I ended up seeing some candy in there, and I stole a piece of chocolate. ;-)  As I'm sitting there pretty still, I felt a little kick on the right side of my lower abdomen.  I couldn't believe it! I immediately told Justin and he was pretty excited too.  He can't wait to feel the baby kick from the outside.  God knew how much I needed to feel that, as I was just feeling very out of sorts with not feeling the baby the last couple days.  It was perfect timing.  I also had a very first project that I made for baby G.  I made a flag banner to decorate the nursery with.  This said banner will also help us announce on Thursday what baby G will be, a guy or a gal.  We are just elated with joy and just can't wait to find out everything we can about our little baby.  Here is a picture of the banner I sewed, from scratch! It was so easy, just a little time consuming.  I think I could crank one out in an afternoon.  No, these colors are not gender specific.  The base colors of the nursery are gray and aqua.  We will pop different colors according to the gender of the baby.  

These are the 4 different fabrics I used

Sorry this is kind of fuzzy, but you get the gist of it. 

Also, here is my 18 weeks and 2 days picture.  I'm going to try and post a picture up every week so I can follow the progress of how baby is growing.  After Justin takes my picture he asks, "did you push out?" (crickets) Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, i'm sucking in! Oh how I love him.  I know he meant nothing by it, but I found it particularly funny.  (Excuse the pj's)

Thats all for now! I can't wait to share with you all on Thursday! 

Have a happy week!

17 weeks 6 days

I seem to not be able to find the time to weekly blog these days on my progression of the baby belly! It seems somewhere around week something or other the weeks have been flying by.  

On to what's important.  

This past week I have actually really popped out all of a sudden.  Here are some pictures from week 16 to week 17.  CRAZINESS I tell you! 

Week 16

Week 17

In week 16 you can still see my rolly polly tummy, but in week 17 it has smoothed out quite a bit! 

I've been feeling a lot better.  Still have major hip pain and the exhaustion is still there, but hey! I'm making a human! No more nausea except for when I'm in bed and I lay on my back for a few minutes, it's weird! 

The baby is the size of an onion this week and weighs a little less than 6 oz.  So tiny! 

Next week, Thursday, we have our anatomy scan which will determine gender! I cannot wait.  I'm beyond excited and it seriously can't get here faster.  This whole process is just surreal to me.  Sometimes I think it's weird that I'm pregnant, and the only reason I say that is because as much as I wanted kids, there was something deep down inside of me that thought that I wouldn't be able to have them naturally.  (welcome to my crazy place in my head).  

Poor Justin isn't getting very good sleep along with me these days.  I toss and turn constantly all night long due to the hip pain I have.  And I won't mention having to get up and pee all the time.  Nothing new and nothing no one has ever not gone through.   It's just part of the initiation process! 

I've been craving strawberries like no body's business lately.  I think we might clean out Costco of all of theirs! 

I don't have very much more to go on right now.  On Saturday, Justin and I will be celebrating Valentine's Day by going to the  aquarium and having lunch down there.   I'm really looking forward to that.  We haven't done anything fun like that, just the two of us, in a long time. 

Until next time, what do you guys think we are going to have?????

15 weeks and 5 days!

I can't believe how fast time is flying by.  We had an appointment this past Monday to meet our OB Dr.  We love her! We couldn't have asked for a better team to take care of us.  She is also super down to earth and she just knows her stuff.  (Obviously, because she is a doctor)  So far so good.  My blood pressure is great! My rate at which I'm gaining weight is great!  My testing they do every appt for glucose came back perfect.  Overall, this has been an extremely easy pregnancy.  I mean, I have my things, but I know other women who have it much worse with tons of complications and I'm just very thankful for what we have going on.  God is definitely watching over me and baby G.

I think I finally feel my energy coming back slowly but surely, and it's a little surreal because I know as soon as the 2nd trimester is over, so is my energy...and my breathing...and everything else.   lol.  I have been feeling more "flutters" as of lately.  It definitely only when I'm sitting or laying down.  I know what they say about what and when you should experience things, but I'm a firm believer in it's YOUR journey and YOUR body.  EVERYONE is different and no two pregnancies are the same.  Like at all.  They say that skinnier women tend to feel the baby sooner, ummmmmm seriously?  The stats out there are what make women treat each other so badly when it comes to mother hood and raising your kids.  That's the point, they are YOUR kids.  Not joe smoe down the street that you just have an opinion on.  They are YOURS! You are responsible for birthing them, feeding them, making sure they are safe, and loving them.  No one know's how to do it better for your kids than you (and your husband).  END OF RANT>

I have been noticing I'm feeling aggressive, not to scare you off.  I'm not towards people, but just in general.  I'm sure it's my hormones going cray cray, which in turn is making me cray cray. CRAY CRAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I digress, as today I ate chili cheese fries for lunch.  The whole not gaining any weight thing is getting to me.  I need to put on the brakes with that thought.  I mean once in a while I guess is okay, but right now I feel like I just ate crack and I'm shaking like a leaf.  Not to mention the sugar in the fruit punch is probably doing that to me.  BUT WAIT! Yesterday I ate really healthy, salads and all that.  So like I say again, I guess once in a while isn't to bad....Am I trying to convince you? or myself?  IDK.

We have our next appt on the 27 and that is a full anatomy scan.  Which means.....GENDER! YAY! I have to do my second state blood test for abnormalities that day as well.  First set of test results came back so negative, it's stupid, but oh so great to hear.  So they do it by chances, so the higher number you have the more negative you are.  Our numbers for Trisomy 18 came back in 1:92,000 yes i said 92,000.  And for Down's I believe it was in the same neighborhood, tens of thousands.  SO we felt really blessed by that!

I feel like God is giving me my biggest test in patience. I'm such an instant rewards type of person, I think that is why loosing weight hasn't worked out for me.....YET.   I'm learning tons of patience through this baby cooking stage.  I'm enjoying it, but I'm anxious and just want to meet our little guy or gal.

I know some of you are probably wondering where my belly pictures are.. To be honest ( and no this isn't a bashing to myself, its just a fact) You can't really tell the difference.  I just look really overweight, more so than I did before.  I'm not a stick that you can see a cute little baby bump  at 15 weeks.  I look more like i'm 25 weeks pregnant, because of my extra layer of love.   As soon as I feel comfortable doing pictures, I'll put some up.  As of right now.....you will just have to imagine it.

Until next time! I hope you are all doing well! I hope you can find joy in your life or circumstance and know that God is meeting you right where you are today!

13 weeks 6 days......

So I've been havin a shoulder issue for the past 3 days and I finally went to the chiropractor today.  When it wasn't feeling better I decided it was more of a muscle issue so I asked Justin if I could get a massage after work. So we did, and I figured Justinshould have one too since he's been tight in the shoulders lately. My massage started up facing up ad ten she had me turn over on my belly half way through.  I was a little weary of this because I have first time mom syndrome. You know, where you freak out about everything to the point of everyone around you either rolls their eyes at you or they want to punch you in the face, yea that syndrome! Anywho......

She assured me it was fine, and so she continued to crank my shoulder. Which was uhhhhmazing!  As I was laying there, 

I started to distinctly feel the baby. It was those flutters everyone is talking about but a little Stronger sice I was laying on my tummy.  I couldn't believe it! I thought what I had felt before was the baby, and I could have been right, but this was consistent and I felt it almost the entire time.   Baby was on the move! I felt so blessed to be able to feel those flutters. So amazing. It totally took my mid off the incredible pain that I'm having from my shoulder. Hopefully I can still focus on that as I'm going to bed in a lot of pain still.  Until next time! 

Happy New Year!

Well hello everyone! I hope your holidays were wonderful and fantastic and spent with amazing friends and family and focused on the High King! As our family is winding down from the fun that was had, we are starting to get further along with the baby! I'm officially 11 weeks as of this past Saturday! I had a doctor's appt.  today and was feeling nervous because my symptoms had changed so much.  I wasn't really feeling pregnant aside from nausea, sore lady's, headaches, and extreme fatigue.  I used to be able to actually feel that I was pregnant way down there.  So I asked the nurse if we could just get a heartbeat, and she kindly responded with, Of Course! You get an ultrasound today too! ahhhhh! I was so happy! So baby is healthy, happy, and squirming like you wouldn't believe! We have another ultra sound next week as well.  I'm so thankful for Kaiser.  They have amazing people working for them, and the way they do things is phenomenal!

We met our midwife today and I'm absolutely in love with her.  Her name is Diane, but she prefers you to call her D.   She is kind, and warm, and so informational.  God def knew what He was doing in this.  I will soon meet my new Doc soon, but until then, I'm just beyond grateful! Justin really loved her too, so that was so great.  I'm super healthy! I have actually lost 5 pounds due to the nausea I've been having, and causing me to not really eat very much.  It's okay! I'm starting out heavier, so it won't hurt the baby to loose some pounds.   I'm walking on average 2-3 times a week and I'm hoping when I get some more energy I will be able to get more days in.  My dr explained something to Justin and I today that made sense because I just can't understand why I'm so tired.  Basically you have sleep depths, as we all know, 1-2 is considered where you dream and relatively light sleeping.  You can wake up to anything at this stage.  3-4 is your deep sleep where your body can repair itself and heal, and give you your best rest and you will feel rested.  Pregnant women only sit at a 1-2.  They don't go into 3-4 but on rare occasion.  So.....it all makes sense! Last night i woke up around 3 am and couldn't go back to sleep until i got ready for work.  I'm a very light sleeper these days.  I feel so bad for Justin, because I am tossing and turning, ALOT! Thankful that he is on disability still and can catch up during the day as his body is still healing itself.

I'm loving the process of being pregnant.  I love knowing that half my world is inside me.  Justin is my other half.  It's just a special thing.  I will be forever grateful to God that he is making me a mommy.  Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers! They are so appreciated! We love you all!

Our Baby Shrimp!

Last Friday we had our very first ultra sound of our baby! We went in on Friday at 8:30am and she took a bunch of measurements.  Everything looked great and baby Gerhart was measuring exactly at 7 weeks.  We officially "graduated"  from Infertility and we can now be seen by an OB.  So we have our first OB appt appointment this Thursday at 10am.  Prayers would be greatly appreciated! It is a 3 hour intake appointment and Justin is so graciously going to come with me.  He is just incredible.  He wants to be there for everything, and I feel blessed by this man every single day.  While we were having our first ultra sound, Justin immediately whipped out his cell phone when we knew that we were going to hear the heart beat.  Here is what he caught!

My immediate reaction was, "Baby! It's a little shrimp!"  and it is! It is our little shrimp, and we couldn't be happier! 

It's been to long.

I realized I haven't been blogging as of late.  I love to write and I have been feeling like I have been missing something.  WRITING!

I just wanted to give a big disclaimer since I'm at the beginning of this pregnancy.  If I talk about how I'm feeling or things that are happening to me, it's not because I want to complain or that I am complaining.  I just want to document everything that is happening.  This is something that is beautiful and I can't believe it's happening to me! I was chosen to take care of one of God's children.  I"m excited to see where it leads and who I come across on this journey of motherhood.

The last two weeks, since I found out I was pregnant, I have been SO crampy.   They come and go, and the intensity comes and goes.  My Dr. said that it is fine, and to use a heating pad.  Well, I'm not comfortable using a heating pad, so a friend of mine who experienced the same thing, said to take a warm bath.  I'm good with that! I have also been experiencing headaches.  I had one right before we found out and I had to go home from work because of it, and then I had one yesterday that sent me home.  Since I can't take anything and I'm prone to migraines,  sleep in a dark room is the only thing that will kick it out.  I'm fortunate to have a very understanding boss, who is very family oriented and has already given me a lecture about taking it easy and resting and not lifting and take my vitamins.....He's great! I know he's on board 100% with this pregnancy.  Makes my life so much easier! I'm also STARVING! Like FEED ME NOW! lol.

I really can't complain at all.  I have it pretty easy.  No nausea, (knock on wood!)  I am really tired, but that is perfectly normal.

We feel extremely blessed by this whole process, but are nervous.  I think every new parent feels that way.  We are continuing to pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy delivery and most important a healthy baby.  Thank you for your prayers and being apart of such a bigger picture with us!

One year later

I was sitting at my desk this morning at work, and I started to think how fast this year has gone by, especially the last 5 months.  As we finished up October and head into November, I'm reminded that one year ago, we started our TTC journey.  Well actually we started at the beginning of October.  After going through 3 months of Fertility meds, pokes and stabs, emotions and tears, I'm not really sure how I feel.  I feel like I'm just going through the motions of the process.  Like I've stated in previous posts, I'm so thankful for the process.  I've learned that I'm a pessimistic person.  Someone I never wanted to be.  It could be that we've been through 2 months and no results and currently waiting for our 3rd.  I want to stay hopeful and I want to be peppy about it, and so far, I think I have been.  It has taken every fiber in my being to do so, but I did it.  As of today, I'm feeling pretty negative about it all.  It's never going to work, I feel like I'm not pregnant this month(mind you, it's only been 3 days since our IUI).  I want to be joyful and happy and optimistic because that is the person I want to be.  Then, my feelings and emotions start to take over, and I sink.  It's not causing me to tidal wave into depression again, but I just feel defeated.  I know the enemy wants that from me.  I know he wants me to feel sad, and depressed, and defeated.  This week I will find Joy.  Going through ups and down's is not fun.  Being consistent is great and needed.  It's kinda been my life being an adult those up's and down's emotionally.  Sometimes it's easier to just ignore it, so I do.  Despite all my up's and down's one thing I know for sure, God loves me, He hears me, He knows my heart, and even though I might not always cry out to Him, He's always there holding me in his hands.

Round 2

So round 2 has officially started. As of last night I started my clomid 100 mg a day. This cycle will be exactly like last cycle, so let's just hope my body responds even better! 

I struggle with chronic sinusitis and a side effect from that can be vertigo like symptoms. Well around 2 p.m. Yesterday, I started feeling dizzy and it kept progressing through my dr appt ( whom I told I was feelin dizzy and she didn't eqaute my dizziness to the meds I'm on since I hadn't even started them) and through the angels game we went to with our good friends Tiffany and Robert. I thought going home and going to bed would help and I would wake up refreshed and feeling good! Wrong! I woke up and took a shower and literally fell over in the shower. I caught myself on Justin's shower chair, but I knew it wasn't good and I was still dealing with this. So, I called my primary care doc toget an appointment. It def has to do with my sinuses and allergies. I'm super plugged up but they aren't infected which is good! So I'm on Flonase and decongestant and hopefully t will kick it out of me. I also went to the chiropractor to get some relief, so we will see.  I stayed home from work today because I couldn't drive with how dizzy I was and I just wanted to be flat. 

So now I'm on clomid for 5 days until sat and then on Sunday I start estrogen to build my lining. Apparently clomid keeps your uterine lining from growing and thickening. So I'll be on that for 4 days. Then it just keeps rolling on. I'm thankful tht there isn't a whole lot I waiting between cycles because I think I would go crazy! We literally jump into the next cycle to keep track of thigs. 

That's it for now! Have a good rest of he week everyone! Hopefully my week will start to look up!

Trigger Shot...AKA bane of my existence....I mean HCG.

I totally chickened out and had to have my mom give it to me!

The funny thing is...it tickled instead of hurting.  yup tickled.

It started to hurt after and then this morning I woke up to a round reddish spot with it hurting and warm and kind-of a knot.  I'm thankful for a mom who is a nurse, and she said not to worry.  It can happen.

Tomorrow's the day! Feeling like I have a leg on both sides of the fence.  That fence being excited and disappointed.  Trying to stay more on the excited side.

I've been praying the prayer of: God, whatever the outcome, please let me rest in that and know that you are God and you have this.  Amen....I'm totally trusting God here.  I'm trying to.  I want to.  I know that giving up the power to Him, that I can rest assured that it is supposed to happen.  I've always hated surprises because I can't handle the waiting and not knowing.  Well, it's time I get to liking them.  

That's all for now.

Thanks for the prayers!

Waiting Game...:::::::Warning Graphic Detail:::::

::::WARNING::::

{Very graphic detail of woman things.  Please leave page now if you are sqeemish!}

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So we are in a waiting game now.  I went to get my ultrasound this morning and things aren't looking quite there.  My body is being very resistant to ovulation as I haven't been ovulating at all apparently. I have two follicles(which encase the egg) on my right ovary.  They are measuring small at 11mm and 13mm.  Normal for ovulation is in between 18-22mm.  She also said my lining is very thin.  She wants to see me back on Saturday morning at 7am to do another ultra sound to see where we are at.  

I'm being put on estrogen for the next couple days to hopefully increase the thickness of my lining.  I'm putting my trust into the doctors and God that they know what they are doing with my body.  I told her that I was on BC since I was 16 due to really bad periods.  She said that my parents did the best thing for me because it probably saved my ovaries.  Come to find out, I probably haven't been ovulating at all and never did.  Yes, you can have a period every month and not ovulate.  My body was basically confused and it knew it needed to get rid of the lining, but my period wasn't being triggered by ovulation.  

(It's all VERY confusing....now you know why women are confusing!...jk! not really.) 

I'm trying to trust in God. I know HE has this. I know it is in HIS timing.  I just need to be okay with that.  I don't know if I am there yet.  I want to be that is for sure.

She also taught me how to do the shot that i have to do.  People, I feel like I'm doing drugs...It's mixing this into that powdery stuff... It's all weird.  But! It will make me ovulate, so I'm game. 

I think I was in shock today when I realized that my body really isn't doing anything on it's own. Here I was all these years thinking I would be fine and it would be great!....WRONG.  Nothing is EVER guaranteed. 

Nothing.

Call me dramatic, or what you will.

I am currently having a hormone headache....

just thought you would want to know;-)

Thanks for the prayers and support.  We appreciate them all.  

A new Journey for the Gerharts......

Hey Guys,

Yup its officially been a millennium since I've written a single word on this page.  But that is about to change, because we have some pretty heavy stuff going on in our lives at the moment.

Let me fill you in on the back story of all this.

At the beginning of June, June 2 to be exact, while Justin was working and getting ready for a blood drive he rolled his ankle and completely blew it out. Fast forward to over a month later, 2 surgeries, a pair of crutches, a wheelchair, and a boot named Frank, we are now in the healing process.  Justin will be off work for another couple months and it's all just up in the air.  Mean while we had to move in with my mom and dad because a 2nd story apt just wouldn't do with Frank... We are planning on staying for a year to start saving money and getting out of a little more debt.  Hopefully next year will be a year of amazing things!

We have been officially trying to get pregnant now for 10 months, with no result.  I have been off of birth control since October of 2011 and in September of 2012 we started to actively try to get preggers.  We had one month where I was 5 days late and our hopes were up and then after going to the grocery store and buying a pregnancy test, I started my period when I got home.  After much praying and talking I decided to make a Dr. appt in January to see if I could get a hormone test or something to see if I was okay.  I hadn't been feeling right and my mood swings were astronomical and I just wasn't feeling like myself.  After said Dr. appt, I felt defeated.  She said because I was having a period every month that everything was fine and  I was "normal."  So I thought, okay she must know better than I.  A few more months past and things weren't changing.  I still wasn't getting prego and I was still feeling crazy.  My therapist advised me to push forward and get an infertility appt.  SO i did, and it was the best advice I've ever been given.

Which takes us to last week, Wednesday.

I had fought over the phone to get an appt and what basically got me the appt was the fact that I had been doing the ovulation tests for 3 months in a row with a negative result.  Justin and I both went in and I was absolutely dreading the appointment.  I thought they were going to berate me for being overweight, and laugh in my face because we haven't been trying a year..(apparently that's the golden number that will get someone to take you seriously)  BUT that wasn't the case at ALL!

We went in and met with the kindest doctor I've ever met.  She asked us a bunch of questions about our family history, how long we have been trying, and just general random questions about ourselves.  Then she ordered a bunch of tests for us.  I have been slowly getting my test results and although i'm not a dr., i have been looking them up and this is what I have concluded....

My testosterone is through the roof.  I have estrogen levels of that of a woman who should be pre-menopausal.  IF i'm reading these correctly than I will say yes that is what it is.  I will find out Friday if that is true or not.  I will also be having a test done where they insert dye into my uterus to see if I have a blockage of any kind.

Dr. Huffmann seems very proactive and by the way she was describing an over view of treatment, it seems like things should just move right along.

I'm nervous, hopeful, thankful, relieved, and just overall feeling blessed and this is right where God wants us. I know that He will meet us right where we are and I have never been more sure of His timing.  even through the raging storms, I know that this is where we are supposed to be.   I'm thankful for such a supportive husband who is crutching it right along side me and supporting me.  I couldn't be more thankful.