That ugly thing called...Gestational Diabetes

Yup I have it.  

This past weekend Justin and I got up at the butt crack of dawn (5 a.m.) to head off to the hospital to get my glucose test done and over with.  I was nervous about being hungry, so we opted to go super early as the lab opens at 6 am.  Yes that orange-y, sugary drink at 6 am is HORRIBLE, but ultimately it didn't taste too bad and I was expecting a lot worse.  I was feeling pretty good until about 20 min in and then I got that barf-y feeling and I just had to breathe through it. I didn't want to "fail" by throwing up so I just grinned and bared it.  We got through the test and went to breakfast.  I was feeling super tired all day and even took a ridiculously long nap when we got home.  At 9 am, I had some test results up on my phone.  (KP.org is an awesome site especially when you have the app on your phone) It was the blood test for my platelets and iron levels.  I knew that I was anemic before and have been taking the recommended iron supplement my midwife told me to take.  So I knew I would be hearing from someone about that.  

Sunday comes around and we have a super busy day of church, family Easter and other things.   I had missed a call and there was a vm but it never came through.  As we were at our brother and sister in law's house I had gone to the restroom and checked my email.   I had a message on KP.org.  I thought......ok here it is, moment of truth.  I opened the email, and there it was in black and white, your blood sugar levels are elevated.  You have gestational diabetes.  Just at that moment, Justin came in to check on me and I invited him into the bathroom with me.  I told him what I just read, and he was super supportive.   He told me it was going to be okay and that we would get through this.  If you don't know me, eating is a curse to me.  I have no control, I love food, and it is literally the END OF THE WORLD when I'm told I can't eat something. I emailed my midwife back and told her my concerns and she responded immediately.  She reassured me it is going to be fine and that Luke was going to be fine.  

I'll be raw and honest here.  Even though I know it happens to so many pregnant women and that I couldn't have done anything to change the fact that I have it, I feel like an utter failure. I know, I know.  But hear me out.  When you are supposed provide everything for your child, and you can't control something, it is the worse feeling ever.  I also feel like there is this stamp on bigger (fluffy) women that you look at them and automatically think....wow I bet she has gestational diabetes.  I have been asked, just a few weeks ago, if I had it. I'm thinking no I don't.  But I really do now.  I have known skinny women to get gestational diabetes.  My Dr told me that it is basically the hormones in your body are what make your body have this.  Your body can' t process the sugar causing a build up of it in your blood due to the extra hormones (estrogen).  If left untreated, it can be harmful to you and your baby.  That is where I feel helpless, even though I'm jumping on the band wagon to nip it in the butt.  I can't control that Luke will be getting over amounts of sugar and possible be a bigger baby.  So all those new born clothes Justin I bought, we are taking them back for a bigger size.  

My other fear is I'm going to be afraid of food now.  As soon as I heard that I had gestational diabetes, I thought....I can't eat anything.  Well, the reality is I can't.  Not if it consisted of how I was eating before.  I've had major food diversions this pregnancy.  Meat being one of them. Veggies, not really my thing either.   I've been living off of eggs and cereal oh and throw in the occasional mac and cheese. Those are the only things that were sitting right with me for a long while.  But now, I can't eat 2/3 of those things.  I have to change my mentality.  I can do this.  I only have 3 more months that I'll be pregnant.  You can do anything for 3 months.  Literally.  It's going to take a lot of planning and prepping, but it will be worth it.  

I have so much support that I know I will be successful and fine.  Now I just have to keep that fire under my butt and not give in to temptation!