Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Joy of July

I'm not sure if I have talked about what our due date means to me or not.  July is a hard month for my mom and dad as July is the birth month of their second child, Kelly Leigh Hawkins.  She unfortunately went to be with the Lord, 2 short months later.  Since she was born, 4 years prior to me being born, I don't really know how I feel about.  I wasn't affected the way my parents were.  What I do know, is how I have seen my mom mourn after her child, who was meant to be an angel, over the past 29 years I have been alive.  We as Christians can ask why, but we never fully understand why these things happen, but we know that we trust a very loving, trust worthy, adoring God.  I pray I will never know what it is to loose a child, but only God knows if that is our reality or not. God definitely does give and He does take away.  In this case, my parents got me, 4 years later, after what God took away from my mom and dad.  A very long, hard road was had, for me to be able to say I was born.  But, God restored their hearts and filled it again, with another baby girl.  Me.  

I think of the role we have in being parents and I am merely here to watch over and take care of God's child.  He chose Justin and I to be their parents and to nurture them.  I guess He thought we could do it.  
As I think about July, I feel like it is so fitting that we are having our very first baby that month.  Why?  the list is so long.  First of all, I never realized how special I was to my mom and dad, until I became a mom.  When you loose something you can't replace, and then try so hard to do it again. I get it now.  I was changed through Christ in my later 20's, but me growing up, was such a challenge for my parents.  I was a tough kid.  I have put my parents through so much heartache and I just get it now.  God has restored our relationship and my faith.  But I think how fitting that Kelly was born in July and we have a baby coming in July.   It overwhelms my heart and soul thinking about it really.   I feel like I will be able to deliver Joy in July for my parents and that warms my heart.  It's such a beautiful thing in the restoration process with my parents, for me anyway.   I'm not sure if mom and dad have really thought about it at all or not.  Since my mom reads this blog, I hope you find comfort, mom. Kelly will be watching down and celebrating when our little one comes into this world.  

So how does July effect me?  Deeply.  I now know what it is like for my mom every July.  Not because I have experienced it, but because I feel deeply for my mom's motherly heart.  I pray that from 2014 and on, July will not only be a month of loss but also Joy.  Great and deep Joy.  




Monday, February 24, 2014

18 weeks 3 days

So yesterday after church, Justin and I were sitting in the front office alone.  Justin was doing money stuff for his men's retreat coming up and I was just hanging out.  I ended up seeing some candy in there, and I stole a piece of chocolate. ;-)  As I'm sitting there pretty still, I felt a little kick on the right side of my lower abdomen.  I couldn't believe it! I immediately told Justin and he was pretty excited too.  He can't wait to feel the baby kick from the outside.  God knew how much I needed to feel that, as I was just feeling very out of sorts with not feeling the baby the last couple days.  It was perfect timing.  I also had a very first project that I made for baby G.  I made a flag banner to decorate the nursery with.  This said banner will also help us announce on Thursday what baby G will be, a guy or a gal.  We are just elated with joy and just can't wait to find out everything we can about our little baby.  Here is a picture of the banner I sewed, from scratch! It was so easy, just a little time consuming.  I think I could crank one out in an afternoon.  No, these colors are not gender specific.  The base colors of the nursery are gray and aqua.  We will pop different colors according to the gender of the baby.  
These are the 4 different fabrics I used
Sorry this is kind of fuzzy, but you get the gist of it. 

Also, here is my 18 weeks and 2 days picture.  I'm going to try and post a picture up every week so I can follow the progress of how baby is growing.  After Justin takes my picture he asks, "did you push out?" (crickets) Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, i'm sucking in! Oh how I love him.  I know he meant nothing by it, but I found it particularly funny.  (Excuse the pj's)


Thats all for now! I can't wait to share with you all on Thursday! 

Have a happy week!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

17 weeks 6 days

I seem to not be able to find the time to weekly blog these days on my progression of the baby belly! It seems somewhere around week something or other the weeks have been flying by.  

On to what's important.  


This past week I have actually really popped out all of a sudden.  Here are some pictures from week 16 to week 17.  CRAZINESS I tell you! 

Week 16

Week 17

In week 16 you can still see my rolly polly tummy, but in week 17 it has smoothed out quite a bit! 

I've been feeling a lot better.  Still have major hip pain and the exhaustion is still there, but hey! I'm making a human! No more nausea except for when I'm in bed and I lay on my back for a few minutes, it's weird! 

The baby is the size of an onion this week and weighs a little less than 6 oz.  So tiny! 

Next week, Thursday, we have our anatomy scan which will determine gender! I cannot wait.  I'm beyond excited and it seriously can't get here faster.  This whole process is just surreal to me.  Sometimes I think it's weird that I'm pregnant, and the only reason I say that is because as much as I wanted kids, there was something deep down inside of me that thought that I wouldn't be able to have them naturally.  (welcome to my crazy place in my head).  

Poor Justin isn't getting very good sleep along with me these days.  I toss and turn constantly all night long due to the hip pain I have.  And I won't mention having to get up and pee all the time.  Nothing new and nothing no one has ever not gone through.   It's just part of the initiation process! 

I've been craving strawberries like no body's business lately.  I think we might clean out Costco of all of theirs! 

I don't have very much more to go on right now.  On Saturday, Justin and I will be celebrating Valentine's Day by going to the  aquarium and having lunch down there.   I'm really looking forward to that.  We haven't done anything fun like that, just the two of us, in a long time. 

Until next time, what do you guys think we are going to have?????





Wednesday, February 5, 2014

15 weeks and 5 days!

I can't believe how fast time is flying by.  We had an appointment this past Monday to meet our OB Dr.  We love her! We couldn't have asked for a better team to take care of us.  She is also super down to earth and she just knows her stuff.  (Obviously, because she is a doctor)  So far so good.  My blood pressure is great! My rate at which I'm gaining weight is great!  My testing they do every appt for glucose came back perfect.  Overall, this has been an extremely easy pregnancy.  I mean, I have my things, but I know other women who have it much worse with tons of complications and I'm just very thankful for what we have going on.  God is definitely watching over me and baby G.

I think I finally feel my energy coming back slowly but surely, and it's a little surreal because I know as soon as the 2nd trimester is over, so is my energy...and my breathing...and everything else.   lol.  I have been feeling more "flutters" as of lately.  It definitely only when I'm sitting or laying down.  I know what they say about what and when you should experience things, but I'm a firm believer in it's YOUR journey and YOUR body.  EVERYONE is different and no two pregnancies are the same.  Like at all.  They say that skinnier women tend to feel the baby sooner, ummmmmm seriously?  The stats out there are what make women treat each other so badly when it comes to mother hood and raising your kids.  That's the point, they are YOUR kids.  Not joe smoe down the street that you just have an opinion on.  They are YOURS! You are responsible for birthing them, feeding them, making sure they are safe, and loving them.  No one know's how to do it better for your kids than you (and your husband).  END OF RANT>

I have been noticing I'm feeling aggressive, not to scare you off.  I'm not towards people, but just in general.  I'm sure it's my hormones going cray cray, which in turn is making me cray cray. CRAY CRAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I digress, as today I ate chili cheese fries for lunch.  The whole not gaining any weight thing is getting to me.  I need to put on the brakes with that thought.  I mean once in a while I guess is okay, but right now I feel like I just ate crack and I'm shaking like a leaf.  Not to mention the sugar in the fruit punch is probably doing that to me.  BUT WAIT! Yesterday I ate really healthy, salads and all that.  So like I say again, I guess once in a while isn't to bad....Am I trying to convince you? or myself?  IDK.

We have our next appt on the 27 and that is a full anatomy scan.  Which means.....GENDER! YAY! I have to do my second state blood test for abnormalities that day as well.  First set of test results came back so negative, it's stupid, but oh so great to hear.  So they do it by chances, so the higher number you have the more negative you are.  Our numbers for Trisomy 18 came back in 1:92,000 yes i said 92,000.  And for Down's I believe it was in the same neighborhood, tens of thousands.  SO we felt really blessed by that!

I feel like God is giving me my biggest test in patience. I'm such an instant rewards type of person, I think that is why loosing weight hasn't worked out for me.....YET.   I'm learning tons of patience through this baby cooking stage.  I'm enjoying it, but I'm anxious and just want to meet our little guy or gal.

I know some of you are probably wondering where my belly pictures are.. To be honest ( and no this isn't a bashing to myself, its just a fact) You can't really tell the difference.  I just look really overweight, more so than I did before.  I'm not a stick that you can see a cute little baby bump  at 15 weeks.  I look more like i'm 25 weeks pregnant, because of my extra layer of love.   As soon as I feel comfortable doing pictures, I'll put some up.  As of right now.....you will just have to imagine it.

Until next time! I hope you are all doing well! I hope you can find joy in your life or circumstance and know that God is meeting you right where you are today!