Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Round 2

So round 2 has officially started. As of last night I started my clomid 100 mg a day. This cycle will be exactly like last cycle, so let's just hope my body responds even better! 
I struggle with chronic sinusitis and a side effect from that can be vertigo like symptoms. Well around 2 p.m. Yesterday, I started feeling dizzy and it kept progressing through my dr appt ( whom I told I was feelin dizzy and she didn't eqaute my dizziness to the meds I'm on since I hadn't even started them) and through the angels game we went to with our good friends Tiffany and Robert. I thought going home and going to bed would help and I would wake up refreshed and feeling good! Wrong! I woke up and took a shower and literally fell over in the shower. I caught myself on Justin's shower chair, but I knew it wasn't good and I was still dealing with this. So, I called my primary care doc toget an appointment. It def has to do with my sinuses and allergies. I'm super plugged up but they aren't infected which is good! So I'm on Flonase and decongestant and hopefully t will kick it out of me. I also went to the chiropractor to get some relief, so we will see.  I stayed home from work today because I couldn't drive with how dizzy I was and I just wanted to be flat. 
So now I'm on clomid for 5 days until sat and then on Sunday I start estrogen to build my lining. Apparently clomid keeps your uterine lining from growing and thickening. So I'll be on that for 4 days. Then it just keeps rolling on. I'm thankful tht there isn't a whole lot I waiting between cycles because I think I would go crazy! We literally jump into the next cycle to keep track of thigs. 
That's it for now! Have a good rest of he week everyone! Hopefully my week will start to look up!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Drum roll please.......

So, No Dice.

Aunt Flo came to town with a very unwelcome visit yesterday.

I've been doing a lot of praying since yesterday.  Asking for comfort and peace and strength.

I had to call my Dr. as soon as I started my new cycle, and here we go.  I have an appt tomorrow at 4:30p.m. to start all over.

Here we go again!  As much as I hate the process and feel drained and exhausted after 1 month, I feel so thankful for the process.  I am thankful that we have an option besides hearing No.  I'm thankful that we are in the age of knowledge we are in, because 50 years ago, this process would not have happened.  We would just be told, I'm sorry, you are infertile.

While I still believe a miracle can happen without the drugs, ultrasounds, and shots, why not use what we can while we have it.  IVF is not an option for us.  We simply can't afford it.   We cannot take on IVF as well as Justin's schooling.  We just don't have that kind of money.  Right now, Justin's schooling is outweighing anything, because if we don't have that, then we don't have progression in our life.

Who knew being an adult would be so heart wrenching and stressful.  They definitely don't teach you that in school among the math and history and writing classes.

I'm thankful for where we are.  It may not be ideal and I get weighed down by it most often times, but I'm thankful for where we are.  It won't always be like this.  I remember I have asked God to give me patience.  Well, here is my lesson in just that.  Patience in waiting on God, patience in waiting for our lives to start with a little one.  It is a hard lesson, probably the hardest I've had to learn yet in my 29 years on this earth.  But I'm learning them with the best person I know by my side.  I'm so thankful for that man, God gifted me with doing life with.  He's my heart and my soul.  He's my anchor.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

How I'm feeling.....

So we are still in our two week wait period.  I'm technically on day 9 post IUI.  I'm "supposed" to get my period today, but even if I don't, it doesn't mean we are pregnant.  I have to wait until the 26th to take a pregnancy test to see if I'm pregnant or not.  

Let me just say one thing....If  I allow myself to be consumed with all of this, I might have to say this is the hardest thing I've ever done.  But I'm not letting myself go there.  I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping my emotions even keel. (Ask Justin, he will give you a straight answer)  I don't know how or what my emotions will be if we find out either way.  I feel calm, but I also feel numb.  I feel like I'm making myself numb out so I don't spaz out during this time.   

I have been EXTREMELY tired.  I'm talking falling asleep before 9 p.m. more than one night a week.  I'm so exhausted every day, after everything that I have to do, I just can't get into my bed fast enough.  I can't even think straight, I'm so tired.  Call it what you will, I think it is the effects of the meds on my body.  Yes, I am this tired.
I just want to take a minute to really thank all of you who have been non stop praying for Justin and myself.  We are deeply humbled by your thoughts and prayers for us.  We have been feeling your prayers and we know we are loved and held so tightly by such a loving God who wants the best for us.  Please pray for continued rest, as well as strength for when we find out either way if we are or aren't pregnant.  Looking back on the past month, it has been exhausting going through the Dr. appts, the meds, the horrid trigger shot, and so much more.  The emotions that we have been going through are just a roller coaster.  I know that we are right where we are supposed to be, and that is a great comfort.  

I know some people would question with all that we have to go through, why would we do it?  Well God can and does work miracles, every single day.   But God has also shown people in this world the wonders of modern medicine.  Since I know that I have always been wonky in the girl part area, I think deep down I knew I would have problems conceiving. We want to give our family the best chance to be a family, safely and healthy.  We feel that this is the best answer to what we have been given.  God gives you things in life that aren't always fair, but he wants you to respond by going to Him for guidance and love and support.  He's got us.  As long as wee keep looking to Him, He's got us.  And coming from someone who fell away from God for a time in her life, He's even got you when you aren't seeking Him in all things.   He loves us so unconditionally.   He allows things to happen to us for a reason or two.   When we cry out, Father! He hears us.  He ALWAYS hears our cries.  And that my friends, is a miracle in itself.  It's simply beautiful.  

Thank you for being faithful.  Thank you for being our friends.  And thank you for loving a merciful Father with us.  

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Today I'm feeling really calm.  Feeling anxious, but I feel pretty good.  I'm having some concerns that I didn't ovulate.  My concern comes from the fact that I guess I've never really ovulated, or haven't in a very long time.  I asked my Dr. yesterday what it would feel like, and she said cramping and/or sharp pains where my ovaries are.  I haven't felt any of that.  I have had slight "twinges" of pain here and there off and on, but nothing like cramping.  A really good thing that happened yesterday was Justin's counts were really LOW, and yesterday they tested his sample and before they washed and separated, his over all good count was at 80%! WHAT! seriously! Then she said after she washed it, it was at 90% HOLY COW! Thank you Jesus!

Now we just wait.  I'm due for my period in 8 days, and i can't test until the 26th.  I'm slightly confused.   I'm just going to wait it out.  I feel like if i start my period wouldn't that be an indicator that it didn't take?  Obviously!  So maybe the clomid  will make my cycle longer...HOLY COW i'm glad I'm not a Dr.  I just don't understand.  It's all so wonky!

From here on out, If it's positive...GREAT! If it's negative, OKAY we start this process all over again. And I will be talking to them about the fact that I didn't think that I ovulated.  At least not yet.


We are putting our trust in Him, and even though it's not easy to do, I find that it's a much safer place to be than to put my trust in myself or my body.  Not until recently have I found that peaceful place where God really does have this.  It is HIS perfect plan what happens in our lives.  Having faith like a child is so hard when the world around us is so ugly.  The enemy is around every corner just waiting for us to fall flat on our face and take advantage.  We are putting our TRUST in Him and I feel such comfort in that.  I feel safe, knowing that our lives are in the hands of the one who created us.


Thank you for you ongoing prayers and support, we love you all.  We appreciate you coming along side of us and being our support.  Things like this are never easy, but when you have so many amazing people loving you and praying to an Almighty God who can move a mountain and make a blind person see, we feel like anything is possible.  God is good and I know we are resting in his palms.  

Monday, September 9, 2013

Trigger Shot...AKA bane of my existence....I mean HCG.

I totally chickened out and had to have my mom give it to me!

The funny thing is...it tickled instead of hurting.  yup tickled.

It started to hurt after and then this morning I woke up to a round reddish spot with it hurting and warm and kind-of a knot.  I'm thankful for a mom who is a nurse, and she said not to worry.  It can happen.

Tomorrow's the day! Feeling like I have a leg on both sides of the fence.  That fence being excited and disappointed.  Trying to stay more on the excited side.

I've been praying the prayer of: God, whatever the outcome, please let me rest in that and know that you are God and you have this.  Amen....I'm totally trusting God here.  I'm trying to.  I want to.  I know that giving up the power to Him, that I can rest assured that it is supposed to happen.  I've always hated surprises because I can't handle the waiting and not knowing.  Well, it's time I get to liking them.  

That's all for now.

Thanks for the prayers!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Good news!

This morning at 0 dark thirty, we got out of bed and ventured out into the land of Fontucky! We had a second ultra sound to see where our eggs were at. Last Wednesday we had one done and the results were very different. Last week I had none on my left side and two on my right. Today, I had one on each side that were progressing nicely. I had been taking estrogen for the last couple of days and it worked! My lining thickened up nicely, and over all he said things looked good. I still have a low amount of follicles for where I should be at, but I will  take two over nothing! I'm supposed to take my trigger shot tomorrow night at 10 p.m. And then go back in on Tuesday for insemination. That's all we know! Thanks for the prayers. It was good to hear some good news!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Waiting Game...:::::::Warning Graphic Detail:::::

::::WARNING::::
{Very graphic detail of woman things.  Please leave page now if you are sqeemish!}
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So we are in a waiting game now.  I went to get my ultrasound this morning and things aren't looking quite there.  My body is being very resistant to ovulation as I haven't been ovulating at all apparently. I have two follicles(which encase the egg) on my right ovary.  They are measuring small at 11mm and 13mm.  Normal for ovulation is in between 18-22mm.  She also said my lining is very thin.  She wants to see me back on Saturday morning at 7am to do another ultra sound to see where we are at.  

I'm being put on estrogen for the next couple days to hopefully increase the thickness of my lining.  I'm putting my trust into the doctors and God that they know what they are doing with my body.  I told her that I was on BC since I was 16 due to really bad periods.  She said that my parents did the best thing for me because it probably saved my ovaries.  Come to find out, I probably haven't been ovulating at all and never did.  Yes, you can have a period every month and not ovulate.  My body was basically confused and it knew it needed to get rid of the lining, but my period wasn't being triggered by ovulation.  
(It's all VERY confusing....now you know why women are confusing!...jk! not really.) 

I'm trying to trust in God. I know HE has this. I know it is in HIS timing.  I just need to be okay with that.  I don't know if I am there yet.  I want to be that is for sure.

She also taught me how to do the shot that i have to do.  People, I feel like I'm doing drugs...It's mixing this into that powdery stuff... It's all weird.  But! It will make me ovulate, so I'm game. 

I think I was in shock today when I realized that my body really isn't doing anything on it's own. Here I was all these years thinking I would be fine and it would be great!....WRONG.  Nothing is EVER guaranteed. 
Nothing.

Call me dramatic, or what you will.


I am currently having a hormone headache....

just thought you would want to know;-)


Thanks for the prayers and support.  We appreciate them all.