Today I'm feeling really calm.  Feeling anxious, but I feel pretty good.  I'm having some concerns that I didn't ovulate.  My concern comes from the fact that I guess I've never really ovulated, or haven't in a very long time.  I asked my Dr. yesterday what it would feel like, and she said cramping and/or sharp pains where my ovaries are.  I haven't felt any of that.  I have had slight "twinges" of pain here and there off and on, but nothing like cramping.  A really good thing that happened yesterday was Justin's counts were really LOW, and yesterday they tested his sample and before they washed and separated, his over all good count was at 80%! WHAT! seriously! Then she said after she washed it, it was at 90% HOLY COW! Thank you Jesus!

Now we just wait.  I'm due for my period in 8 days, and i can't test until the 26th.  I'm slightly confused.   I'm just going to wait it out.  I feel like if i start my period wouldn't that be an indicator that it didn't take?  Obviously!  So maybe the clomid  will make my cycle longer...HOLY COW i'm glad I'm not a Dr.  I just don't understand.  It's all so wonky!

From here on out, If it's positive...GREAT! If it's negative, OKAY we start this process all over again. And I will be talking to them about the fact that I didn't think that I ovulated.  At least not yet.


We are putting our trust in Him, and even though it's not easy to do, I find that it's a much safer place to be than to put my trust in myself or my body.  Not until recently have I found that peaceful place where God really does have this.  It is HIS perfect plan what happens in our lives.  Having faith like a child is so hard when the world around us is so ugly.  The enemy is around every corner just waiting for us to fall flat on our face and take advantage.  We are putting our TRUST in Him and I feel such comfort in that.  I feel safe, knowing that our lives are in the hands of the one who created us.


Thank you for you ongoing prayers and support, we love you all.  We appreciate you coming along side of us and being our support.  Things like this are never easy, but when you have so many amazing people loving you and praying to an Almighty God who can move a mountain and make a blind person see, we feel like anything is possible.  God is good and I know we are resting in his palms.  

Belize

As many of you know, me and the hubs are heading out on a Mission's Trip on the 11th of February! We are so very excited and cannot wait to share this experience together.  I have to say though, my heart is a little heavy going into it.  I know we are not going into the most impoverishment part of Africa or India, but I think I'm still not prepared for what I will experience there.  Knowing the fact that I have never been anywhere besides Canada and Ensenada, Mexico (Honeymoon).   My mom went on this exact trip last year, and I know she came back a different person from it.  I'm just not prepared for poverty and the bad things that come along with that.  I'm actually not sure what to expect.  Despite everything, I know i have a soft heart and a tendency to get emotional over the smallest stuff.

I guess my prayer is that God will use me somehow while we are there.  I think it's safe to say that I need to be stretched in my faith and I really need to be jarred back to God.  Lately I have felt so distant from Him and that is my own fault.  God is always there.  He never leaves US.  Me not feeling connected with Him, lacks alot of things that I have always struggled with in my walk with my Father.   I feel that way about my relationships as well.  I fall short when it comes to being a good friend, wife, daughter.  I'm not sure what it is that holds me back and makes me bottle up.   I definitely have hobbit tenancies.   If that makes any sense.

This is what I think of when I think Jungle...

..But, I'm pretty sure that will be much different! I will post pictures when we get back of what we saw!

We are also going here, On our day of excursions!

Yup, we get to go see Mayan ruins. I am actually stoked about that part! And then we will kayak down a river! How cool! I just hope i'm in good enough shape for this! ugh! slacking......

I know this will be an amazing experience that will fly by too fast.  Being out of the country alone, makes me nervous.  But, I know this is where God wants me.  I want Him to guide my life, not me guiding my life.   It's hard getting caught up in the day to day monotonousness mess of life.  It becomes this pattern that you can't break free from.  I pray that I spend more time with Him, and more time reading His word.

Letting GO.....

BEWARE

......Flat out truths about myself are to be exposed.........

Today I was sitting at my desk.... reading a friends blog who recently (like today) was featured on a blog as a guest, and I realized how much control I try to have over things I really shouldn't worry about and get upset and sick over.  I realize that there are a couple factors that go into this.

1.  My attitude...  A few years ago, my lovely mother-in-law gave us this amazing paper on attitude.  It's so true.  I just get so lazy and exhausted of life, that my attitude goes out the window.  I have so much room to improve my attitude, that I really need to start living the way God wants me to and be who He created me to be.

2.  Let Go, and Let God...I will admit that I have put no time in towards devotions, prayer time, and talking    to God about my worries and fears.   I have no real trust in my Heavenly Father, because I haven't worked at building that relationship to a solid foundation.  This is where I have always lacked due to      not having a solid relationship with God growing up.  Letting go and letting God, this is very difficult for me to do.  I know how easy it is, but it seems so hard.  I want this in my life, I just need to stop and take the time.  Life is crazy, but not crazy enough for God.  

3.  Talking more with my husband.... Once again my attitude gets in the way.  Being tired, at the end of the day I just want to sit in peace and be.  Not only do we just sit around and eat dinner but we just watch TV and then the important stuff comes up at bedtime, when we are exhausted, and then a fight pursues because we are SOOOOO tired.  One way we have started working on this....is WALKING! We accomplish so much more, and we can walk and talk it out.  BUT!  We don't do it often enough....  


I have such an amazing life, and am given such amazing opportunities, I just weight myself down with my own worries and own insecurities. 


So I need a MAJOR attitude adjustment.  My outlook on life, my emotions towards my job, my husband, my home life, how I live my life, how I serve my GOD, how I TRUST my GOD.

Important
***Please don't get the wrong impression of me... I love God, I love my husband. There are just things in my life I feel I need to be real about in order to work on them.  There are many aspects of my life that need work.  I want to go to heaven and be told " Well done my good and faithful servant," by the One who I serve.***