The Joy of July

I'm not sure if I have talked about what our due date means to me or not.  July is a hard month for my mom and dad as July is the birth month of their second child, Kelly Leigh Hawkins.  She unfortunately went to be with the Lord, 2 short months later.  Since she was born, 4 years prior to me being born, I don't really know how I feel about.  I wasn't affected the way my parents were.  What I do know, is how I have seen my mom mourn after her child, who was meant to be an angel, over the past 29 years I have been alive.  We as Christians can ask why, but we never fully understand why these things happen, but we know that we trust a very loving, trust worthy, adoring God.  I pray I will never know what it is to loose a child, but only God knows if that is our reality or not. God definitely does give and He does take away.  In this case, my parents got me, 4 years later, after what God took away from my mom and dad.  A very long, hard road was had, for me to be able to say I was born.  But, God restored their hearts and filled it again, with another baby girl.  Me.  

I think of the role we have in being parents and I am merely here to watch over and take care of God's child.  He chose Justin and I to be their parents and to nurture them.  I guess He thought we could do it.  

As I think about July, I feel like it is so fitting that we are having our very first baby that month.  Why?  the list is so long.  First of all, I never realized how special I was to my mom and dad, until I became a mom.  When you loose something you can't replace, and then try so hard to do it again. I get it now.  I was changed through Christ in my later 20's, but me growing up, was such a challenge for my parents.  I was a tough kid.  I have put my parents through so much heartache and I just get it now.  God has restored our relationship and my faith.  But I think how fitting that Kelly was born in July and we have a baby coming in July.   It overwhelms my heart and soul thinking about it really.   I feel like I will be able to deliver Joy in July for my parents and that warms my heart.  It's such a beautiful thing in the restoration process with my parents, for me anyway.   I'm not sure if mom and dad have really thought about it at all or not.  Since my mom reads this blog, I hope you find comfort, mom. Kelly will be watching down and celebrating when our little one comes into this world.  

So how does July effect me?  Deeply.  I now know what it is like for my mom every July.  Not because I have experienced it, but because I feel deeply for my mom's motherly heart.  I pray that from 2014 and on, July will not only be a month of loss but also Joy.  Great and deep Joy.