A me post.

Today I find myself feeling Joy.  I feel the weight of the world around me, but I'm not held down by it.  Ask me how I was feeling 6 months ago, and my answer would have been completely different.  I feel excited by the future for the first time in...I don't remember.   I feel like living life and finding Joy in everything I do, and it excites me.  I will say my friends, living life is not for the feint of heart.  Life is down right hard at times.  I can't imagine those who do life without Jesus.  I once did life without Jesus, and it was the biggest car wreck I've ever experienced.  Being hopeful is something that is so needed in this life as well.  My insecurities have held me back from so many events, relationships, things in life, even God.  I am finally breaking through those insecurities, and where I found my shelter and comfort zone in the old me, breaking through and finding who I am in Jesus, and who I am in life, is a scary thing as well.  Anything new has always scared me.  Call it what you will, but this tender heart just freaks out with change.  

I'm currently in my second two week waiting period.  If you aren't sure what that is, I'm waiting to see if I'm pregnant.  Last month, I was a nervous wreck.  I was hyper focused on what I could find out about how I was feeling and every little twitch or cramp, I was over analyzing.  This month, I find myself having peace.  I feel peaceful through this process.  I think I've realized, if I am pregnant, its going to go by so fast.  I want to be present, here in the moment.  I want to relish in what is going on, and take it step by step, day by day.  I feel like God has been showing Himself to me through this process.  I've also been seeking Him more through reading the bible and praying.   

One thing I'm really learning through this process, is waiting.   Waiting on God and being patient.  I'm also learning that God doesn't do mistakes.  Everything is for a reason, whether it is a yes, or a no.  I think it's hard for us to accept the no's most of the time.  Prayer is something that can change anything and move a mountain.  I saw this this morning of Facebook and I wanted to share it here:

I love the part where what I pray for doesn't change God, but it changes us! That is so profound to me.  I think I'm constantly praying throughout the day, and I don't do it because I feel like I have to, but it makes me feel close to God throughout the day.  What if you never talked to your spouse? Your children? When you don't talk to God, it is the same thing.  You have to build your relationship with Him.  

I'm excited to see where this year brings Justin and I.  Its not going to be an easy road, but with fixed eyes on Jesus, I don't think we can go wrong.