34 weeks and 5 days........

Ladies and Gents, we are getting down to the last leg of our journey.  Thank you for flying this wild ride with Justin and I as we start our descend into delivery and parenthood......


So I had a Dr. appt yesterday.......Let me just fill you in on what happened.  There were so many things.  This was the one appt that Justin didn't go with me to, and I literally felt like my brain was going to explode from all the info! lol.

But first this......

***GD update:   My numbers were doing good for a little bit, but have started to go crazy again.   So I was put on 3.7 mg of Gliburyde instead of 2.5.  I will max out at 5 mg before who know's what they will do.  So we are trying to be diligent and keep it under control.  Kaiser is amazing with their support and being able to talk to someone about it.  So we will see how I do with this new up'd dose.  I'll keep you posted.


So Mr. Luke.  Either he is going to be a huge kid, or I have a ton of amniotic fluid.  I'm measuring at 37 weeks. (So to be clear, it's not how big Luke is measuring, it's how big my uterus is measuring.)  If anyone has encountered this, can you please text me or fb message me on what you experienced! This week I have to start NST tests down at Baldwin Park two times a week to monitor Luke.   A NST test is a non stress test.  The doula who is teaching the birthing class, told me that it is a test to see how much Luke responds with movement to sounds?  So this will be interesting.  I want to do everything in my power to make sure Luke is happy, healthy and safe, but, I feel like life is just getting busier and busier.  So I will have these twice a week NST test's until he comes.

Secondly, as I said above, I'm measuring at 37 weeks.  I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks from today, to have them measure and see how big he is.  Because I'm on the Gliburyde, my Dr. also informed me that I will be induced a week early...... ummmm I'm sorry, what?  So if I don't go into labor on my own a week before my due date, they will induce me.  Apparently, if you are on meds like I am for a condition, they want the baby out a week early.  I wasn't given a straight answer as to why, but I believe they don't want him to get too big.  So we are there at this point, which I am processing and just getting used to the fact that he will be here before we know it.  With the ultra sound in 2 weeks, it will show us how big he is and what to expect. If I understood her right, they might induce even earlier if he is huge.  I'm not sure.  Things are very up in the air.

I'm asking for prayer today.  With my anxiety issues, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this fact.  I know that you have to go with the flow and things change in an instant with labor and delivery.  I just wasn't expecting to be induced and deal with everything that comes with pitocin.   I'm going to thoughtfully seek to be in prayer this week, as I try and process this news.  I know some of you reading this, are like no big deal, but for me it is.  I"m not being dramatic, I"m just processing through some anxiety issues.  I thank you for your prayers this whole time.  I thank you for your love and your support of Justin, myself, and Luke.  We feel deeply all those prayers that have already been prayed over us.

At the moment, I'm not sure if I left anything out of this update.  But I'm just hoping to get a grasp and control over my sugars, try and keep the swelling down (yes I"m swelling everywhere I feel like.  My hands are feeling swollen just typing this!)

We are getting anxious and excited the closer he is to being here.  Our lives are going to change forever and its just crazy to think about.  It kinda boggles my mind! lol

Hope you all are having a great week!

loves, ambs

32 weeks, 4 days...

I'm sorry that I don't have a picture for you guys as of yet! Justin reminded me I needed to take one and then we both forgot! lol.  Let's see.....I'm feeling okay these days.  I am now having to sleep on the couch because I need to sit up and lay on my back.  My hips are just done.  I'm thankful that we have the couch that we do, because it is totally conducive to being able to sleep sitting up.  it's part of our sectional.  It works great! 

We just finished refinishing our glider that we will use to rock Luke and use to feedings and what not.  It came out pretty good! It used to be a dark cherry wood that had a blue and white strip pattern for the pads.  We received it, for free, from our dear friends, The Westerbeeks! It was a huge blessing! They actually had given it to us a while ago, I think right when we were first starting to try for a baby (not knowing what we would have to go through to get there).  We had the pads recovered by the same company that made our crib bedding for Luke, The Baby Guy.  He is awesome! He's down at the OC swap meet and although his prices are a tad high, his quality can't be beat, and it's custom! He made covers that can easily be removed and washed, that was the best part.  All in all we spent over a 100 bucks on the redo, but it was still a lot less than buying a brand new chair.  Here are some pictures of how it came out! 

 It almost looks bluish, but it's all gray! 

 Those pillows are also from The Baby Guy! 

Justin thought it was pretty comfy!

Thanks Justin for working so hard on getting it painted! It came out so great! 

How I'm doing and how Luke is doing:

I'm feeling pretty good.  Every day is different and I always feel a different way.  Luke is moving....A LOT! 

He rolls, kicks, hiccups and LOVES to push off on my hips, digging those cute little feet into my hips.  

He is roughly a little over 3 pounds now, and its a little over 16 inches long! He's getting bigger! This is all according to my baby app on my phone.  We don't have an actual ultra sound until the end of June to find out how big he is and what position he is in. 

Many of you have asked when we are moving, and I really don't have an answer to give.  We have had so many set backs with Justin's situation with workers comp, that we have no clue.  God does, but we just don't.  At the beginning of this month, we were slammed again with bad news.  Justin's workers comp doctor changed his status from temporary disability to permanent.  Which cut his pay from full to a little over a 1/3.  Ouch.  All of our plans were put on hold.  My aunt is amazing and she is being patient with us.  It's giving her the opportunity to do some remodeling on her house while she is waiting for us to be ready to move in.  It's a good situation all around, but we have no clue in the interim what is happening.  We applied for long term disability, as we are not qualified for short term due to workers comp.  We are just waiting to hear from them to see what is going on.  

We know God has a perfect plan.  We know and are trusting that there will be a rainbow at the end of all this.  Luke is the biggest blessing of all out of all of this.   We are just so excited and it is a much needed distraction for when he comes.  Luke means light of God.  I believe that Luke is our little shining light in the midst of the chaos that has been happening in the last year.  His middle name is Matthew, which means gift from God. And oh what a gift he is to us.  God has shown us grace and mercy and favor through this entire situation that was placed before us, almost a year ago.  God is bringing light and blessings through Luke.  

We continue to pray for Luke and his health and that he will be a perfectly healthy little baby.  

Thanks for standing with us and holding us up on this journey.  We are so grateful for you all.  

What is your shining light this week?  Where do you find your blessings? 

Experiencing God in the midst of Chaos...

Do you ever have those moments when you feel an overwhelming feeling of love from our Heavenly Father? 

You know the one where you are either listening to worship music or you are worshiping and emotions fill you of love and it just overwhelming.  You want to shout from the roof tops and tell people what Love really is, Jesus! It is THE best feeling in the world.  

How do you respond to that feeling?  

I get this feeling every now and then. This morning I experienced it at work as I was sipping my morning coffee listening to Selah (if you don't know who they are, you need to!) I was over taken with my love for Jesus and I just wanted everyone to know! Jesus loves you! He is there.  He has you in His hands.  He won't let you fall. 

I find this to be so refreshing despite the season that Justin and I are in.  I can find His love and comfort in the midst of the chaos.  I'm reminded that I am His child and He is mine.   That He is walking right with me every single step of the way.  

My challenge for you today, is how can you find God?  What do you do to search for Him? Have you opened yourself up to receive Him?

We are nothing in this life without Jesus, and I don't know about you, but that is NOT how I want to live this life. I want fulfillment, comfort, peace and unending JOY! I want to be one with my creator.  I want fulfillment that no one or nothing else can give me.  

I wish I had that "feeling" all the time regarding Jesus, but I let life get in the way and stray my focus.

It's time to keep that focus more of a steady in my life.  

Be blessed today my friends and try and find God in the smallest of places even when you feel like He's no where to be found.....He's there.

28 weeks, 7 days

Can you believe that we are almost there.  I literally have 11 weeks to go.  I remember when I was 11 weeks along and it felt like I would forever be pregnant.  The second half of the pregnancy seems to just fly by.  Craziness I tell you.
Things that are happening as of lately:
-I can no longer wear my wedding rings in fear that I won't be able to get them off or worse have to get them cut off!
-I'm starting to feel really low pressure all the time and he loves to snuggle up down low and not use all this floaty space that he has.  Only a couple times a day will he stretch out and wiggle around.
- I'm just not sleeping.  My hip pain has tripled and they are now going numb at night waking me up probably every half an hour to flip over, which is also becoming quite difficult.  lol.  Oh gosh....just your typical preggy stuff.
- I'm noticing Luke is starting to have sleep patterns.  I can tell when he's sleeping or awake.
- I"m getting anxious....I mean really anxious.  I can't wait to meet him and see what life is going to be like.  I just want to hold him.  I know Justin is feeling the same way.  We are just so in love with him already.

My gestational diabetes is going well.  I'm able to keep my blood sugars in check with my diet.  Morning for some reason is the worst where my numbers get all weird and high sometimes.  The rest of the day I'm pretty good.  The Dr. was very pleased with my progress for the first two weeks.  I think timing of when you eat and when you check are huge factors in this game.  I've been a little lax in the morning of testing first thing and I need to get my eating breakfast on time as well.  So far so good though!

Some things that we are going to ask you all for prayer for:

We just found out last Friday, that Justin was put on permanent disability with restrictions.  This means that his pay shoots down to about a little more than 1/3 than what we were getting paid.  This is pretty hard on us right now.  His options are either going back to work, which they are working on finding him a job, or he has to find a different job.  We have no clue now when we will be able to move out of my mom's.  It's all up in the air as of now.  OUR plans of paying our last little bits off are hugely effecting things as well.  We won't have our first month's rent saved, nor can we even afford what our monthly rent would be at this point.  So we are trusting God.  We know He has a perfect plan, and it's definitely no OUR plan but His is so much greater.  When things are up in the air, they aren't secure and that feeling isn't a good one.  I definitely believe that it is all our attitude.   No, our situation isn't ideal, but we are safe and secure and we have that.  It gets a little crazy at times, but we have two people who are loving us and supporting us through this and have been for a while.   They are patient, and loving, and that's all we can ask for.  They are letting us in their space.  We are both giving up our personal space and that is huge.  We are thankful and grateful to my parents for what they have done so far.

Justin is also dealing with some depression issues from all of this workers comp mess.  Pray that God would just over come in his life and speak truth.  I normally wouldn't talk about Justin's personal life on here, but he needs prayer so desperately.  We both do.  We appreciate you all and we love you and feel those prayers.


Here's a picture we took last night at 28 weeks and 6 days.

It's a little hard to see the definition because I'm wearing a lighter shirt, but he is growing.  For sure.  We are so thankful for this little guy.  He just needs to be here already!

Thank you for the prayers, the thoughts and the love you all give.  Thanks for being open to hearing about our journey and walking it with us.  We couldn't do it without you all.   We share, so life is a little more tolerable, not because we like to air out our dirty laundry.  It definitely takes a village.

Fears and Doubts (27 weeks, 6 days)

The closer and closer we get to having Luke, the more and more my insides are freaking out.  What I meant to say is I don't think I'm going to be a good mom.  What I really meant to say, I think I'm going to fail.  Miserably.  Every day.  But before I psych myself out here, let me be real and honest.  After all, this is my blog, my online diary if you will.  All of my fears, doubts and lack of confidence stems from one place and one place only.  The one way down there.....yup The Devil himself.  I even hate to give him credit for that, but I know he's working on me in the worst way by filling my head up with junk.  I know what God says for me is to be true.  That I am loved, that I am His, that I will be the best mom to Luke that I can.  He will give me the strength and He will give me the will to do what I need to do for Luke.  I know I have a great partner through this journey in Justin and I couldn't think of anyone else to do this with.  He is going to be the best daddy ever.  It will be such a proud moment for me to  look over and see my best friend and deepest love holding someone that we made out of our love.  I know cheesy, but it's completely true.  I know it's not going to be easy. It's going to be quite hard actually.  Probably the hardest thing I will have ever done in my life, but it's going to be worth it.  We prayed so hard and diligently for Luke, and I know God wouldn't give him to us if He didn't think we would be fit.  It definitely takes a village.  I'm thankful for the support and love that we have around us.  We have so much to be grateful for.  So I know when those freak outs and doubts in myself, I know that is 100% not from my creator. He believes in me, more than I believe in myself.  He loves me and know's where my heart is. He knows my fears and my heartache, but He is routing in my corner.   I just hope and pray that time isn't wasted in those thoughts and doubts and that I live each moment and soak it in.  It's the little moments, I can't wait for them.

26 weeks! and 6 days....

Where is the time flying to?  I feel like I was just newly pregnant and we were just finding out we were having a baby boy! Holy crap!

I had my Gestational Diabetes class this past Tuesday and it was way better than I expected.  Thank goodness Justin was able to go with me, because there was so much information! Not to mention I was pretty sick when we went, so listening wasn't a strong suit for me at that point.  I learned some invaluable information about how I should be eating and how I can control this with just food and exercise.  It is crazy what and how food effects our bodies.  So far, my sugars have been in control and been pretty good.  Aside from them being super low at the class and i had to wait and eat something to get them back up before they would release me, they have been spot on.  I also haven't been eating sugar.  Like at all.   This is not as hard as I thought it would be.  I know I can't have it, and I know it's not good for me, so I'm not that tempted.  If I want something sweet, like juice or something that Justin has, I'll just have one sip or one bite.  Nothing that will spike my sugars as if I were to eat or drink the whole thing.  It helps keep the cravings down.

The other thing I've been dealing with is being sick.  This wasn't just your average cold.  It started with the flu that turned into a cold that I still currently have.  It has taken all of my energy away from me as I still fight to stay awake.  I just came back to work yesterday from being off since mid day Thursday.  I left on Thursday from not feeling good, and I think this is the hardest I've been hit in years by it.  I spent Easter Sunday in bed all day long.  No bueno.  I still have some congestion in my chest and nose, and this hacking cough that comes and goes, but no fever or chills anymore...Those were the worst.

The closer we come to having Luke here, the crazier life seems to be getting for us.  So many things are up in the air right now.  Justin's job, when he will go back to work, our move (which is now pushed back until August 2, we won't go into that), to just the unknowns of delivery.  We know that we serve a big a mighty God and we are only limiting Him when we worry and we panic.  Well we sure do worry and panic a lot for some reason, even though we know he is ultimately in control.   On the flip side to all of that, I can't wait for Luke to be here.  I just want to feel that wiggly body in my arms and know that he is alright all the time.  I'm anxious to get our family on a new norm.  I'm anxious to know what life is going to be with him, and I know we will totally forget what life was like without him.  It's been 6 years of just Justin and I.  This is a huge game changer.  Something that we can only prepare ourselves so much for.  I'm excited for it.  I welcome it.  Because there is no going back.  We would never choose to ever go back.  So here's to almost 27 weeks.  I know I need to take a picture, I just haven't because I have looked like death for the past week.  lol.

I hope you are all having a great week so far.  What is God challenging you with this week?  What is He facing you with?  How are you responding to Him?  Praying for you all as you are facing whatever it is He has placed before you.  Love you,

Ambs

That ugly thing called...Gestational Diabetes

Yup I have it.  

This past weekend Justin and I got up at the butt crack of dawn (5 a.m.) to head off to the hospital to get my glucose test done and over with.  I was nervous about being hungry, so we opted to go super early as the lab opens at 6 am.  Yes that orange-y, sugary drink at 6 am is HORRIBLE, but ultimately it didn't taste too bad and I was expecting a lot worse.  I was feeling pretty good until about 20 min in and then I got that barf-y feeling and I just had to breathe through it. I didn't want to "fail" by throwing up so I just grinned and bared it.  We got through the test and went to breakfast.  I was feeling super tired all day and even took a ridiculously long nap when we got home.  At 9 am, I had some test results up on my phone.  (KP.org is an awesome site especially when you have the app on your phone) It was the blood test for my platelets and iron levels.  I knew that I was anemic before and have been taking the recommended iron supplement my midwife told me to take.  So I knew I would be hearing from someone about that.  

Sunday comes around and we have a super busy day of church, family Easter and other things.   I had missed a call and there was a vm but it never came through.  As we were at our brother and sister in law's house I had gone to the restroom and checked my email.   I had a message on KP.org.  I thought......ok here it is, moment of truth.  I opened the email, and there it was in black and white, your blood sugar levels are elevated.  You have gestational diabetes.  Just at that moment, Justin came in to check on me and I invited him into the bathroom with me.  I told him what I just read, and he was super supportive.   He told me it was going to be okay and that we would get through this.  If you don't know me, eating is a curse to me.  I have no control, I love food, and it is literally the END OF THE WORLD when I'm told I can't eat something. I emailed my midwife back and told her my concerns and she responded immediately.  She reassured me it is going to be fine and that Luke was going to be fine.  

I'll be raw and honest here.  Even though I know it happens to so many pregnant women and that I couldn't have done anything to change the fact that I have it, I feel like an utter failure. I know, I know.  But hear me out.  When you are supposed provide everything for your child, and you can't control something, it is the worse feeling ever.  I also feel like there is this stamp on bigger (fluffy) women that you look at them and automatically think....wow I bet she has gestational diabetes.  I have been asked, just a few weeks ago, if I had it. I'm thinking no I don't.  But I really do now.  I have known skinny women to get gestational diabetes.  My Dr told me that it is basically the hormones in your body are what make your body have this.  Your body can' t process the sugar causing a build up of it in your blood due to the extra hormones (estrogen).  If left untreated, it can be harmful to you and your baby.  That is where I feel helpless, even though I'm jumping on the band wagon to nip it in the butt.  I can't control that Luke will be getting over amounts of sugar and possible be a bigger baby.  So all those new born clothes Justin I bought, we are taking them back for a bigger size.  

My other fear is I'm going to be afraid of food now.  As soon as I heard that I had gestational diabetes, I thought....I can't eat anything.  Well, the reality is I can't.  Not if it consisted of how I was eating before.  I've had major food diversions this pregnancy.  Meat being one of them. Veggies, not really my thing either.   I've been living off of eggs and cereal oh and throw in the occasional mac and cheese. Those are the only things that were sitting right with me for a long while.  But now, I can't eat 2/3 of those things.  I have to change my mentality.  I can do this.  I only have 3 more months that I'll be pregnant.  You can do anything for 3 months.  Literally.  It's going to take a lot of planning and prepping, but it will be worth it.  

I have so much support that I know I will be successful and fine.  Now I just have to keep that fire under my butt and not give in to temptation!