28 weeks, 7 days

Can you believe that we are almost there.  I literally have 11 weeks to go.  I remember when I was 11 weeks along and it felt like I would forever be pregnant.  The second half of the pregnancy seems to just fly by.  Craziness I tell you.
Things that are happening as of lately:
-I can no longer wear my wedding rings in fear that I won't be able to get them off or worse have to get them cut off!
-I'm starting to feel really low pressure all the time and he loves to snuggle up down low and not use all this floaty space that he has.  Only a couple times a day will he stretch out and wiggle around.
- I'm just not sleeping.  My hip pain has tripled and they are now going numb at night waking me up probably every half an hour to flip over, which is also becoming quite difficult.  lol.  Oh gosh....just your typical preggy stuff.
- I'm noticing Luke is starting to have sleep patterns.  I can tell when he's sleeping or awake.
- I"m getting anxious....I mean really anxious.  I can't wait to meet him and see what life is going to be like.  I just want to hold him.  I know Justin is feeling the same way.  We are just so in love with him already.

My gestational diabetes is going well.  I'm able to keep my blood sugars in check with my diet.  Morning for some reason is the worst where my numbers get all weird and high sometimes.  The rest of the day I'm pretty good.  The Dr. was very pleased with my progress for the first two weeks.  I think timing of when you eat and when you check are huge factors in this game.  I've been a little lax in the morning of testing first thing and I need to get my eating breakfast on time as well.  So far so good though!

Some things that we are going to ask you all for prayer for:

We just found out last Friday, that Justin was put on permanent disability with restrictions.  This means that his pay shoots down to about a little more than 1/3 than what we were getting paid.  This is pretty hard on us right now.  His options are either going back to work, which they are working on finding him a job, or he has to find a different job.  We have no clue now when we will be able to move out of my mom's.  It's all up in the air as of now.  OUR plans of paying our last little bits off are hugely effecting things as well.  We won't have our first month's rent saved, nor can we even afford what our monthly rent would be at this point.  So we are trusting God.  We know He has a perfect plan, and it's definitely no OUR plan but His is so much greater.  When things are up in the air, they aren't secure and that feeling isn't a good one.  I definitely believe that it is all our attitude.   No, our situation isn't ideal, but we are safe and secure and we have that.  It gets a little crazy at times, but we have two people who are loving us and supporting us through this and have been for a while.   They are patient, and loving, and that's all we can ask for.  They are letting us in their space.  We are both giving up our personal space and that is huge.  We are thankful and grateful to my parents for what they have done so far.

Justin is also dealing with some depression issues from all of this workers comp mess.  Pray that God would just over come in his life and speak truth.  I normally wouldn't talk about Justin's personal life on here, but he needs prayer so desperately.  We both do.  We appreciate you all and we love you and feel those prayers.


Here's a picture we took last night at 28 weeks and 6 days.

It's a little hard to see the definition because I'm wearing a lighter shirt, but he is growing.  For sure.  We are so thankful for this little guy.  He just needs to be here already!

Thank you for the prayers, the thoughts and the love you all give.  Thanks for being open to hearing about our journey and walking it with us.  We couldn't do it without you all.   We share, so life is a little more tolerable, not because we like to air out our dirty laundry.  It definitely takes a village.

Fears and Doubts (27 weeks, 6 days)

The closer and closer we get to having Luke, the more and more my insides are freaking out.  What I meant to say is I don't think I'm going to be a good mom.  What I really meant to say, I think I'm going to fail.  Miserably.  Every day.  But before I psych myself out here, let me be real and honest.  After all, this is my blog, my online diary if you will.  All of my fears, doubts and lack of confidence stems from one place and one place only.  The one way down there.....yup The Devil himself.  I even hate to give him credit for that, but I know he's working on me in the worst way by filling my head up with junk.  I know what God says for me is to be true.  That I am loved, that I am His, that I will be the best mom to Luke that I can.  He will give me the strength and He will give me the will to do what I need to do for Luke.  I know I have a great partner through this journey in Justin and I couldn't think of anyone else to do this with.  He is going to be the best daddy ever.  It will be such a proud moment for me to  look over and see my best friend and deepest love holding someone that we made out of our love.  I know cheesy, but it's completely true.  I know it's not going to be easy. It's going to be quite hard actually.  Probably the hardest thing I will have ever done in my life, but it's going to be worth it.  We prayed so hard and diligently for Luke, and I know God wouldn't give him to us if He didn't think we would be fit.  It definitely takes a village.  I'm thankful for the support and love that we have around us.  We have so much to be grateful for.  So I know when those freak outs and doubts in myself, I know that is 100% not from my creator. He believes in me, more than I believe in myself.  He loves me and know's where my heart is. He knows my fears and my heartache, but He is routing in my corner.   I just hope and pray that time isn't wasted in those thoughts and doubts and that I live each moment and soak it in.  It's the little moments, I can't wait for them.

26 weeks! and 6 days....

Where is the time flying to?  I feel like I was just newly pregnant and we were just finding out we were having a baby boy! Holy crap!

I had my Gestational Diabetes class this past Tuesday and it was way better than I expected.  Thank goodness Justin was able to go with me, because there was so much information! Not to mention I was pretty sick when we went, so listening wasn't a strong suit for me at that point.  I learned some invaluable information about how I should be eating and how I can control this with just food and exercise.  It is crazy what and how food effects our bodies.  So far, my sugars have been in control and been pretty good.  Aside from them being super low at the class and i had to wait and eat something to get them back up before they would release me, they have been spot on.  I also haven't been eating sugar.  Like at all.   This is not as hard as I thought it would be.  I know I can't have it, and I know it's not good for me, so I'm not that tempted.  If I want something sweet, like juice or something that Justin has, I'll just have one sip or one bite.  Nothing that will spike my sugars as if I were to eat or drink the whole thing.  It helps keep the cravings down.

The other thing I've been dealing with is being sick.  This wasn't just your average cold.  It started with the flu that turned into a cold that I still currently have.  It has taken all of my energy away from me as I still fight to stay awake.  I just came back to work yesterday from being off since mid day Thursday.  I left on Thursday from not feeling good, and I think this is the hardest I've been hit in years by it.  I spent Easter Sunday in bed all day long.  No bueno.  I still have some congestion in my chest and nose, and this hacking cough that comes and goes, but no fever or chills anymore...Those were the worst.

The closer we come to having Luke here, the crazier life seems to be getting for us.  So many things are up in the air right now.  Justin's job, when he will go back to work, our move (which is now pushed back until August 2, we won't go into that), to just the unknowns of delivery.  We know that we serve a big a mighty God and we are only limiting Him when we worry and we panic.  Well we sure do worry and panic a lot for some reason, even though we know he is ultimately in control.   On the flip side to all of that, I can't wait for Luke to be here.  I just want to feel that wiggly body in my arms and know that he is alright all the time.  I'm anxious to get our family on a new norm.  I'm anxious to know what life is going to be with him, and I know we will totally forget what life was like without him.  It's been 6 years of just Justin and I.  This is a huge game changer.  Something that we can only prepare ourselves so much for.  I'm excited for it.  I welcome it.  Because there is no going back.  We would never choose to ever go back.  So here's to almost 27 weeks.  I know I need to take a picture, I just haven't because I have looked like death for the past week.  lol.

I hope you are all having a great week so far.  What is God challenging you with this week?  What is He facing you with?  How are you responding to Him?  Praying for you all as you are facing whatever it is He has placed before you.  Love you,

Ambs

That ugly thing called...Gestational Diabetes

Yup I have it.  

This past weekend Justin and I got up at the butt crack of dawn (5 a.m.) to head off to the hospital to get my glucose test done and over with.  I was nervous about being hungry, so we opted to go super early as the lab opens at 6 am.  Yes that orange-y, sugary drink at 6 am is HORRIBLE, but ultimately it didn't taste too bad and I was expecting a lot worse.  I was feeling pretty good until about 20 min in and then I got that barf-y feeling and I just had to breathe through it. I didn't want to "fail" by throwing up so I just grinned and bared it.  We got through the test and went to breakfast.  I was feeling super tired all day and even took a ridiculously long nap when we got home.  At 9 am, I had some test results up on my phone.  (KP.org is an awesome site especially when you have the app on your phone) It was the blood test for my platelets and iron levels.  I knew that I was anemic before and have been taking the recommended iron supplement my midwife told me to take.  So I knew I would be hearing from someone about that.  

Sunday comes around and we have a super busy day of church, family Easter and other things.   I had missed a call and there was a vm but it never came through.  As we were at our brother and sister in law's house I had gone to the restroom and checked my email.   I had a message on KP.org.  I thought......ok here it is, moment of truth.  I opened the email, and there it was in black and white, your blood sugar levels are elevated.  You have gestational diabetes.  Just at that moment, Justin came in to check on me and I invited him into the bathroom with me.  I told him what I just read, and he was super supportive.   He told me it was going to be okay and that we would get through this.  If you don't know me, eating is a curse to me.  I have no control, I love food, and it is literally the END OF THE WORLD when I'm told I can't eat something. I emailed my midwife back and told her my concerns and she responded immediately.  She reassured me it is going to be fine and that Luke was going to be fine.  

I'll be raw and honest here.  Even though I know it happens to so many pregnant women and that I couldn't have done anything to change the fact that I have it, I feel like an utter failure. I know, I know.  But hear me out.  When you are supposed provide everything for your child, and you can't control something, it is the worse feeling ever.  I also feel like there is this stamp on bigger (fluffy) women that you look at them and automatically think....wow I bet she has gestational diabetes.  I have been asked, just a few weeks ago, if I had it. I'm thinking no I don't.  But I really do now.  I have known skinny women to get gestational diabetes.  My Dr told me that it is basically the hormones in your body are what make your body have this.  Your body can' t process the sugar causing a build up of it in your blood due to the extra hormones (estrogen).  If left untreated, it can be harmful to you and your baby.  That is where I feel helpless, even though I'm jumping on the band wagon to nip it in the butt.  I can't control that Luke will be getting over amounts of sugar and possible be a bigger baby.  So all those new born clothes Justin I bought, we are taking them back for a bigger size.  

My other fear is I'm going to be afraid of food now.  As soon as I heard that I had gestational diabetes, I thought....I can't eat anything.  Well, the reality is I can't.  Not if it consisted of how I was eating before.  I've had major food diversions this pregnancy.  Meat being one of them. Veggies, not really my thing either.   I've been living off of eggs and cereal oh and throw in the occasional mac and cheese. Those are the only things that were sitting right with me for a long while.  But now, I can't eat 2/3 of those things.  I have to change my mentality.  I can do this.  I only have 3 more months that I'll be pregnant.  You can do anything for 3 months.  Literally.  It's going to take a lot of planning and prepping, but it will be worth it.  

I have so much support that I know I will be successful and fine.  Now I just have to keep that fire under my butt and not give in to temptation! 

23 weeks and 5 days!

Can you believe how fast it is starting to go?  It has been a while, yet again, since I have put up any kind of update. BUT!  I've been up to a thing or two to start getting ready for our baby boy to come.

I want to first talk about some changes with me and then I'll show you what I've been up to.  I've been averaging about 4 days a week at work.  Whether I'm not feeling good with allergies, cold, or just overly exhausted, I just haven't been making it 5 days a week.  Justin and I talked it over and we decided that it was worth me feeling good to go down to 4 days a week.  So, I have Monday's off now and LOVE having a 3 day weekend.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to do that once Luke is here, so I will just enjoy the time while I have it.  I love being able to spend one more day with Justin.  Since he is still off of work ( I know), I think I will have a hard time once he goes back.  I'm so spoiled to be able to spend so much time with him! I love it!  

About a week and a half ago, I had an accident at work.  I fell on my way back to the office from lunch with the guys.  I was walking to close to the curb and my foot slipped and down I went.  I ended up on all 4's and rolled to my back, (like a ninja, as my coworkers who are all dudes said).  The worst was my knee, I thought it popped out.  It hurt like the dickens and then as I started to get my wits about me to stand, as I was standing, I had a sharp pulling pain in my lower abdomen.  I just doubled over for a few minutes and finally felt like I could walk.  So they got me back to the office and I thought I should just call the nurse hotline ( we have Kaiser Insurance)  to see if I should come in or not.   I sat down and put my knee up ( it was pretty banged up) and they put me through to L and D, and they told me to def come in.  So I spent the afternoon in L and D.  I was quite impressed I must say.  It was a beautiful wing, and they were so kind. They even put ice on my knee for me.  Little Luke was just fine.  I didn't feel him for about 30 minutes after I fell, as I probably jolted him a little and scared him, but he was just fine!

Onto better and less nerve racking things! A couple weeks ago, I got some fabric and I wanted to make burp cloths.  Well, I ended up getting a ton of fabric, and I'm still in the process of making them! I have two different patterns hashed out so far.  I also got the the stuff to finish my mobile for above Luke's crib.  I was all set.  So a few Monday's ago, I started cutting and making the burpies.  Here's a few pictures of how they turned out.  I had to mess around with the shape.  I started with rounded edges and finished with dead square.  I think they turned out pretty good.

Front Side

Back Side

I'm going to be keeping some and selling some.  I didn't realize how many they would actually make! 

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I also wanted to post up pictures of my finished mobile! I did the cut outs by hand and then sewed and stuffed with cotton balls.  I then hung them with white embroidery thread and painted the inside of an embroidery loop.  I was going for simple and cute.  The best part I'd have to say it is cost me no more than $5 bucks. I already had the fabric from the banner I made for above his bed on the wall.  The loop and embroidery thread were super cheap too! 

I still have a few more things that I want to do for his room, but for now I'm pretty happy with how it is all turning out.  We don't have much room to store stuff, and I don't want it to get ruined, so I'm being careful with how much I make.  

Over all, I'm feeling pretty good.  I still don't have a ton of energy.  I have been having an ongoing not feeling comfortable in my own skin type feeling for weeks now.  It makes me just blah.  I don't really want to go out and do much.  Being at home makes me the most comfortable and being in my pj's.  LAME, I know.  I try and walk or do some kind of exercise when I can and have the energy to do so.  Luke is moving and wiggling and he is starting to wake me up in the middle of the night.  It crazy how strong he is. He's so good though.  I only wake up once or twice a night from him.  So I know he is sleeping good at night! I PRAY that will stick when he's here! His mama and daddy like to sleep! Hopefully he will too :-)  I'm starting to feel him higher on my belly, but he still likes to be pretty low.  I don't think he has grasped the fact that he can stretch out.  I love talking to him and sometimes if he's being feisty, he will push or kick my hand where I push on him.  It's really cute.  I can't feel where his body is yet, but I'm sure as he gets bigger, I'll be able to identify that.  We have our monthly check up this Friday and I'll be 24 weeks! Which means......Viability Day! Which means, if he were to, God Forbid, come for any reason, the Dr's would do everything they can for him.  His chance of survival would actually be a chance rather than a non survival rate.  One more milestone to check off the list! 

Hope you all are having a great week! Remember and trust in God's promises and provisions.  He is always good, for every good and perfect gift comes from Him.

Justin and I were talking today about how much heartache we have experienced in waiting on God to have Luke.  How we obediently said okay to God in Him telling us to wait.  I couldn't have pictured our life any different than right now.  Thanks for your support and all your prayers.  We appreciate them and YOU! 

loves and hugs

It's a BOY!

I can't believe I forgot to blog almost 2 weeks ago to let you all know we are having a BOY!
Sorry for the delay! I know most of you are friends with me on FB, so you already know.  I have this blog to basically document everything that is going on.  It was super special, we had our ultrasound at 8:45 in the morning and my parents as well as Justin's mom were able to be there! We also had a surprise guest come in at the end which was super special to me and it was perfect that she was there.  Our dear friend Marianne.

I was the only one allowed in the room while the tech was doing all the babies measurements.  It took about 15 to 20 minutes of getting all the pictures they needed.  He was so squirmy, but she did a great job! Then she went to get the family.  She then started showing them his head, arms, legs, and all that good stuff.  She then asked if we were ready! She showed us his "goods" and sure enough, it was a boy! He was not shy!
We had already had a name picked out, and it was so special to be able to call him something, not just the baby.  His name will be Luke Matthew Gerhart.  We all were just so excited! I had forgotten to ask what he was measuring, so at our appt this week (almost 2 weeks later), my midwife had said he was measuring 19 weeks 2 days instead of 18 weeks 6 days.  So we will see if this progression goes further and he is going to be a big boy.

18 weeks 6 days

At my Dr. appt this week(20w/6d), everything went really good.  I've only gained 8 lbs at this point which is so good because of where I was at weight wise to start.  They seem to be really pleased with where I'm at.  All in all, everything is great!

My back is the only thing that is really bothering me at all.   I went to the Chiropractor yesterday and he said from here on out, it is probably going to get worse because of all the movement and changes.  He said just to keep coming in and getting adjusted.  I am currently sitting with a heating pad on my lower back at work, which helping immensely!  He even commented on how well I'm doing with everything.

Luke is kicking up a storm! Usually every other day he is super active and then the other days he is somewhat active but more calm and resting.  Today is a super active day! We can't wait for him to get here and hold him and touch his face.  He is our little miracle baby.

Thanks again for being on this journey with us!

19 weeks 5 days

I can't believe I am almost half way through this pregnancy.  I will say again, pregnancy is not for the feint of heart.  Some have easy breezy experiences, others have okay experiences (which is where i am), and others just have a rough go at it. For week 19 I found myself going to Disneyland with the Hawkins clan.  We packed up the kiddos and headed for the magical kingdom.  I don't have any pictures because I didn't bring my phone in with me.  I wanted to be present and not be tempted to be on my phone.  I really need to invest in a good camera so I don't have the excuse of...I need my phone to take pictures with.  The kids did really well and I think I pooped out before the kids did.  I started getting a pretty bad headache around 5 pm that kept getting worse.  I also was having horrible deep sinus issues.  I remember having Justin pressing on my forehead while we were in line getting everyone ice cream while everyone else found a spot to watch the parade.  I was just done.   I'm sorry family for complaining! I digress....the kids had so much fun which is what we were aiming for.  They did have a lot of the rides down for maintenance.  I guess that's a thing in the winter, which makes sense.  We had a really nice lunch in DT Disney and then ate dinner in the park.
I ended up staying home from work on Tuesday as I woke up with that same darn headache.  I think I was just over exhausted as well.  This body hasn't done that much walking in one day in a LONG time.  lol.  It was good for me though.


I had Justin take a photo of my belly before we left for Disneyland and this is it:

 19 Weeks 3 days

I don't know about you, but I think I look smaller than last week.  Not sure why or what happened.  Could be the angle.  Let me show you 18 weeks again: 

18 weeks ? days 

Oh wait I do know why.  Above picture was taken in the morning.  18 week picture was taken at night.  That makes sense now.  lol.  

How am I feeling?  

I'm feeling good overall. Still pretty tired.  I am having more round ligament pain as well as shooting pain in that area even at rest.  I can feel Luke moving around way more and I can feel when he kicks me in the front.  I still can't feel when he kicks into me (towards my back).  I'm sure that will come soon enough.  Justin is anxious to feel Luke kick from the outside.  I've only experienced one kick so far that was hard enough to be able to maybe feel from the outside.  I have a pretty thick layer of fat covering my belly. (Just being real) 

I know that will come soon enough.  I love being able to feel Luke all the time as it reminds me I'm never alone. I know God is always with me, but I have a little human attached to me at all times! 

Hope you all are having a great week! 

Much Love!