I'm an IDIOT....You're and IDIOT....(from The Grinch)

I know what you are thinking.....twice in one day!

I just needed to put this out there.

It's human knowledge that you need to drink 8 glasses min, of water a day.


Well this human doesn't.  I LOATH WATER! Seriously.....I hate the stuff...I'm a water snob and I hate arrowhead, it takes like sewer.

Today I have successfully gulped down 8 glasses of water before 5p.m. mind you! and i feel.....

FANTASTIC! 

My mom and I are going to go walking when we get home from work and I'm hoping I can talk her into doing the C25K app with me.  I've been wanting to start it so bad.......Today is the day! 

I feel like part of my fog I have been in has lifted.  I feel like I have energy as opposed to wanting to go home and sleep.  

I know you have to drink water. It's good for you, it's what we need to live on.  I'm just stubborn I guess and retarded.  Good bye soda, juice, everything....HELLO H2O! 

It's the start of the last time I start this again.......

What does that mean, you ask?  

Well, I'm sick.  I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I do.  I'm sick of having 0 energy, aches and pains, and not feeling good about myself!  

I'm DONE! Did you hear that? DONE!

Justin and I went shopping last night for "Clean" eating, and I was pleasantly surprised that our bill was less than what we would normally spend.

We got so many good things, I feel excited to be eating them and how my body will respond to eating such things. I'm going walking tonight before small group and I'm learning you just have to do it when you can.  I won't walk when it's super dark by myself because we now live in the Foothills and there are a ton of wild animals.  Especially Coyotes! Um No thanks! 

I'm going to commit to setting myself up for success, meaning, I will prep my food and stay on top of that.  I will commit to exercising 3 to 4 times a week.  

Nothing will ever change, if I don't make it change. I will stay the same if I don't change it.  

I want to be healthy, I want to love myself, I want to like who I am.

I will start progression picture and do them every 10 pounds.

My goal is to loose 20 lbs. and go from there.  Am I giving myself a time stamp?  No, because I don't want to fail.  I know that if I'm not loosing 1 lb a week, then something is wrong and I'm not going hard enough. Healthy is the goal here, not skinny. I need to get the weight off if I am going to get pregnant. 

I know all this. 

Thanks for taking this journey with me! 

~loves~  

Our not so new, new desk!

I thought I would take a break from everything else and share with you our amazing find this weekend! Justin has been wanting a desk where we can set up the lap top and printer so he can do his schooling.  Mind you, he's doing a 100% online bachelors degree and that's a lot of sitting.  Which is really good for him right now, since he still cannot bare weight on his foot.  

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*UPDATE ON JUSTIN* 

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So we were driving by this cute little thrift shop here in town, called New Unto Others.  It is an awesome place to donate because they have a TON of charities that they give a percentage of their earnings to.  So we were on the hunt for a desk.  They had a ton of stuff sitting in the parking lot so I thought we could just stop by and swing in.  I immediately found this:

 I didn't get a good before picture as this is shown without the drawers and I have already sanded it down.  

What it actually is, is an old sewing machine table! and the detail on it, is just divine! 

Get this! We bought the table for $16 bucks! It was $20 and then because it was outside it was an additional 25% off! Can't complain.  We spend an additional $25 bucks on supplies.  

Now we had been looking for a desk that was just the right size for a while now.  The ones at IKEA were ok, but none fit the bill just right.  Then we found one at Target and it was perfect and cheap and $60.  I still wasn't sold on spending $60.  

So then we found this!   

So all in all we spent $41.  Yes it took some leg work and muscles, but it's exactly what I had in my head! 

I am not done with it but I'll show you some progress pictures and I'll show you the final product when I am done with it.  Enjoy! 

 As you can see the top is where the sewing machine would have been.  We will reinforce under neath with wood so it won't be unstable to write on it.  

These are the drawers! They look lighter because the room was brighter! 

Have a great day everyone! 

Trust. Faith. Promise.

Today I write with a heavy heart.  No we haven't heard any news, but I also feel very heavy today.  I write because it's therapy for me.  I write to feel  like I can put it out there without feeling like I am burdening someone else with my problems.  I don't want to be THAT woman.  I write to put my heart on my sleeve.  I write....because I love to.  

I want to TRUST God.  I want to be able to say that I, with reckless abandoned, TRUST God 110%. But the truth of the matter is, I don't.  And It's not that God is not trust worthy, and it's not like He has EVER done anything to loose my trust.  I, as a human being, feel like I can't trust in God's promises.  Being a Christian is so hard.  Walking and trusting and believing blindly, is a hard impossible thing to do.  It's like if I were to drive a car while being blind, it is IMPOSSIBLE! I would crash and die.  

Looking to the One who is our Healer, our Leader, the Lover of our soul is so hard when things get so hard.  Some days I just don't even want to get out of bed.  Some days I want to just throw my hands up and scream.  Some days, I want to just give up.  I think about what Trust really is and what is really means.  It's within me.  It's how I choose to live my life according to what the Bible says.  I choose to Trust in those words.  I choose to Love God. And I Fail on all those every. single. day.  I know He will always be there without fail.  He is omnipresent.  It's my lack of Faith in him to trust Him.  

That is pretty heavy.  

That is not something any Christian wants to openly admit.  But in all honesty?  Its real.  

Being a Christian means to constantly find connection with our maker.  To openly cry out for help when your storm is raging.  To TRUST, that God will pull you through and you won't sink.  I want to have that Trust.  I try to seek Him everyday.  To Trust Him more and more everyday.  But there will be days when I just can't. And that is okay.  God loves me for who I am.  I am a Sinner. I am human.  I'm super lame sometimes.  I will always go back.  I will always seek him.  

God PROMISES to never leave us.  He has so many wonderful promises that reassure me everyday.  In my human nature, I want to push away and not believe those promises.  The enemy wants us to not believe them.  He wants us so far away from Trusting God, that we push away.  I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED.  

I want to be so in love with God, that my soul yearns for Him.  I want to be moved by God.  He is everything.  He's all I want, all I need, and that, is ENOUGH. 

We are in the midst of a pretty heavy, rocky storm.  There are so many elements being thrown into our storm, that I feel like the sun will never rise.  But I am going to CHOOSE to trust God in bringing us through them.  I am going to CHOOSE to have that Faith like a child to be able to see clearly what God wants for our lives.  He is the maker, healer, provider for all of our needs.  I choose to love Him with reckless abandoned.  He is my everything.  He is my God.  He is my HOPE.

Picture from worshipgifs.tumblr

Update!

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to say hi and let you all know that our appointment has been moved to August 12.  We won't know anymore until then.  Thank you for the prayers and thoughts and we have been feeling them.  We know you have been placed in our lives for a reason and we love you all.   I hope you all have a great weekend.

-Amber

My unapologetic apology :-)

As I sit here tonight watching Narnia Prince Caspian with the hubs and my mom, I'm feeling peaceful. I'm feeling relaxed and carefree for the first time, in a long time.  Over the last few days I keep asking Justin the same question.... Do you still think its okay to just put everything out there? Like I am needing validation for my feelings. Which I don't! I knew going into this that when I started the process of writing our journey that I would get lots of opinions and I was 100% okay and ready for that. But! I didn't realize how much I would fret about offending people. 

Now 5 years ago I wouldn't care what anyone thought of me or what I said. But now,  I do. I care. I'm a pretty blunt person. Justin and I are very open and we do wear our hearts on our sleeves. I am the daughter of a nurse. I use vocabulary according to what things are.

So what I am trying to say is, I'm sorry if I offend you with my words, I want to enrich your life with my words, but my thoughts and my actions are real life for me and ultimately this is intended for my documentation, my release of it all, and to keep family and friends up to date on something that is HUGE for our family and something that we will always remember.  

Thank you for taking this journey with us and thank you for your love and support of us. We appreciate you more than you even know.  This blog will be very straight forward and to the point and I can't hide who I am! Lol. 

Fridays appt

So to say that Fridays appointment went well, would be fair to say. What wouldn't be fair to say is how prepared I was for the pain of it. I'm pretty sure that was the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. And I know that it probably won't be the last time I feel pain like that.

In all fairness, the test itself only took about 4 minutes. But let me explain what they do.....

You lay on an MRI machine table and  they basically prep you like you are going to have a pap done. Then she cleans you inside with iodine, and proceeds to stick a catheter with a camera all the way up. She then inflates a balloon and then starts to push the dye through to see if you are all clear. Through that process if feels like thousands of tiny needles or knives being pushed into you. 

She also put a monitor right in front of my face so I could see what was going on. But, I couldn't see through my blurred vision to even get a clear picture of what was going on.  I'm thankful it is done and over with and i never want to experience something like that again. I can still, 15 hours later, feel the achyness from it. She said everything Looks clear and fine and that my tubes looked on the small side but that they were good! Relief!!!!!!!!!

Now we have an appt scheduled for the 29th for a follow up of all the tests we have had to do. We will hopefully get a game plan then. 

Prayers are welcome. Gods plan is perfect and I can't wait to see it unravel.