Balance

One of my amazing, most genuine, most amazing best friends is currently and has been on the hunt for balance in her life.  I try to help her and give her sound advice about her job and life in general, as well as just listen to what she is going through.  She has a tough job, a respectable job, but non the less it is a very tedious and demanding job.  Last night while we hung out after an amazing kickoff to Glendale Relay for Life, we were talking about balancing life again.  I suddenly realized that as much as my life looks balanced on the outside....it's really not.  

So then I started to think about what is my problem! Mostly I think about why I cannot get fully motivated to loose weight.  What is keeping me back? Why can I find EVERY in the book to not do it! When I had my personal trainer, Keva, for 3 weeks, I did pretty well actually.  I was pretty proud of myself.   But when it came to cardio on my own, I completely failed.  I came up with some reason why I couldn't make it to the gym that day.  To tell you the truth, I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety issues lately, and it is finally to the point where my doctor thinks I need to see a psychiatrist.  Oh JOY! 

WAIT WHAT! 

A psychiatrist? Are you kidding me?....were my thoughts exactly! I do not want meds, I do not want someone telling me I'm crazy! 

Which is exactly how it makes me feel! 

But I figure if i'm there to talk about anxiety, then maybe I will be fine.  Maybe they will just tell me ways I can channel my anxiety to be productive.  

More so than anything along side anxiety, I think all of this comes down to my self worth.  How much do I think I am worth to be healthy? For me, for Justin, for our future kiddos.  Apparently, it must not be very high if I can't do anything about it.  I just wonder when will that change?  What needs to happen in order for me to be kicked in the gut and realize that it's a lifestyle and not just something I need to do.  What is it that is going to click?  All these things ring true in my mind, and yet I cannot get the will power to get off the dang couch and move! I feel intimidated and almost lost in myself when these feelings come into play of me not wanting to do it.  

Anywho.......all my friends have tried to help me in some way, and I just couldn't get through it.  Hopefully there will be a change sooner than later.  For my health's sake.  

Houses and Thankfulness........

So I know it's been a while since I last posted, and I keep thinking how much I love to blog, but I always forget.

So here it goes....

The past couple weeks have been pretty action packed, emotionally filled, and hectic crazy for us.  We have been all over the place, including vacation.  We went to lake Tulloch with some very dear friends, and we had a great time! Then we came home to the daily grind and things have been non-stop! I signed up for a couple sessions of personal training to start getting back on track.  It's been going well and now my sessions are over.  I feel blessed to have the trainer that I did, as she really helped me see working out in a positive way again.

For the past 4 weeks or so we have been looking into and getting as much information about the real estate world.  We have out weighed the pros and cons, and the pros win! lol.  We are casually looking into buying a home and seeing where God wants us to be.  The beginning process has been pretty fast, and we are not getting our hopes up for anything, as we want to make sure we are making the best possible decision for our family.  Let me list you some of our pro's and our con's.  (Mostly because I'm a list maker and they make me happy)

PRO's :

• Investment
• Saving our money on rent as everything our there that is more than a 2 bedroom is ridiculously expensive and we can't afford it.  
• We can have write off's! 
• Having a safe, homey place to bring home our babies.  

CON's:

• Having to pay for everything ourselves. Even repairs.
• What if one of us looses our job, especially Justin. 
• It being a little further away than we would like, commuting. 

Ultimately there are way more pro's and con's, and i'm sure for those of you who have already bought your own home, you would say we shouldn't do it.  We feel very at peace with this decision and we are getting educated on what everything means and entails.  We have and are still doing our homework. 

  

Aside from all of this....I am just feeling over all blessed.  I have also realized that I have not pushed myself to my full potential.  Through different various occurances through different people in my life, this past week has shown me really how truly blessed i am.  I am the only one who is holding myself back from anything.  I used to have so many excuses of why things were bad, and crappy.  Not anymore.  I am in control of everything around me, what happens to me, what I do to others, and how my life plays out (well God has the upper hand in that one).  I won't go into specifics of what has happened, nothing bad, but just huge reminders of what I have.  What I can be.   I feel thankful for those things that have shown me reality.     

With that said, my daily goal, is to keep a thankful, fulfilled heart everyday.  There are so many people in my life I look up to and I'm reminded of that when I see those special people.  Mostly Justin.  He is the biggest influence in my life, and I cherish him to the core.  

Letting GO.....

BEWARE

......Flat out truths about myself are to be exposed.........

Today I was sitting at my desk.... reading a friends blog who recently (like today) was featured on a blog as a guest, and I realized how much control I try to have over things I really shouldn't worry about and get upset and sick over.  I realize that there are a couple factors that go into this.

1.  My attitude...  A few years ago, my lovely mother-in-law gave us this amazing paper on attitude.  It's so true.  I just get so lazy and exhausted of life, that my attitude goes out the window.  I have so much room to improve my attitude, that I really need to start living the way God wants me to and be who He created me to be.

2.  Let Go, and Let God...I will admit that I have put no time in towards devotions, prayer time, and talking    to God about my worries and fears.   I have no real trust in my Heavenly Father, because I haven't worked at building that relationship to a solid foundation.  This is where I have always lacked due to      not having a solid relationship with God growing up.  Letting go and letting God, this is very difficult for me to do.  I know how easy it is, but it seems so hard.  I want this in my life, I just need to stop and take the time.  Life is crazy, but not crazy enough for God.  

3.  Talking more with my husband.... Once again my attitude gets in the way.  Being tired, at the end of the day I just want to sit in peace and be.  Not only do we just sit around and eat dinner but we just watch TV and then the important stuff comes up at bedtime, when we are exhausted, and then a fight pursues because we are SOOOOO tired.  One way we have started working on this....is WALKING! We accomplish so much more, and we can walk and talk it out.  BUT!  We don't do it often enough....  


I have such an amazing life, and am given such amazing opportunities, I just weight myself down with my own worries and own insecurities. 


So I need a MAJOR attitude adjustment.  My outlook on life, my emotions towards my job, my husband, my home life, how I live my life, how I serve my GOD, how I TRUST my GOD.

Important
***Please don't get the wrong impression of me... I love God, I love my husband. There are just things in my life I feel I need to be real about in order to work on them.  There are many aspects of my life that need work.  I want to go to heaven and be told " Well done my good and faithful servant," by the One who I serve.***

Lake Arrowhead!

This past Friday, Justin and I headed up to Lake Arrowhead for a family mini vacation! It was so relaxing! We had some good times just chillin' like villains and being with each other.  We stayed in a beautiful 8 bedroom house and we also had access to the UCLA  Conference Center.  Which meant, we got to use the Facilities! Beach on the lake, pool, oodles of things to do!
Mostly, we just hung out! Justin and I took a jaunt over to Big Bear Lake on Sunday afternoon, where his Aunt and Uncles usually stays up there on the weekends during the summer months.

We loved being able to spend time with Amy's, my sister in law, parents as well.  They were able to come up and be with us and we also were able to celebrate Kay's 61st birthday! It was such a great time, and the boys had some good bonding time.  I love when Justin gets to hang out with my brother, because I have always thought Matt and Amy wise.  I have always received such sounds advice from them, but most of all I really cherish it from my brother Matt.  So the boys played with their race cars and had some good "man time."

Overall awesome weekend! It was perfect weather, perfect scenery, and perfect time.

Our favorite verse....

So today I revamped our page.  I hope you like it....i'm not an html genius so there are a few flaws but I will choose to ignore them.  lol.   And I guess that gives away about how hard I work at work..shhhh... lol.  On the header it has the bible verse Jeremiah 29:11


 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   


When I first met Justin, on our first date..... He prayed for our meal.  He was the first man I've ever gone out with who actually took initiative and prayed! Not to much later he let me in on his favorite bible verse, and this was it! Jeremiah 29:11.  Now I have always liked this verse, but Justin LOVES this verse.  Over the years, I know why.  It has also become my favorite verse out of the bible, because those words have such a strong meaning.  Our 3 years of marriage have been a rocky road with things like money, jobs, finances.  This gives us such a strong hope and security.  It is the best reminder that we will be okay and the God  will ALWAYS provide.  


It's funny...looking back He always has provided.  I remember a time right after I had lost my job and we had no money to pay our bills.  Not even to buy groceries... One day we received an unexpected tax return check in the mail of $500.00.  I don't know how it happened or where the error was.  It totally got us through and we had food on our table that month.  It was incredible.  Time and time again, God has always been right there holding our hands and holding us up.  He is the best daddy ever! ( So are you dad!) 


I hope you all can find as much meaning in this verse and find the same hope and security that we have found in it.  It is perspective and life changing.  

Distance makes the HEART grow fonder......

So this past week, I took off to Washington DC~  Our really good friends Craig and Jenn actually took me with them! Craig had to work this past weekend and Jen actually went with.  They realized last week that while Craig was working, Jen would just be sitting in the hotel room doing nothing! BORING!!!!!!!!!!!! So after trying to get one of her sisters to go I was the lucky one chosen! hahaha! I took a red eye flight(which i'm never doing EVER again) out on thursday night, got there friday morning and we started on our journey! Jen and I walked everywhere and saw everything and even got a hang of the metro! we didnt' get lost not even once! ( i can't say that about the many tickets i lost.. meaning I lost my metro ticket!).
We had so much fun! We wen't out to dinner with Craig's co-workers one night and they were very lovely people! We had a blast! So after being gone for 4 days, not having my husband there, but being with totally awesome people, my was really starting to miss my hubs! I mean I've never been away from him for so long, that I can remember.  a few days.... but almost 6 days! (including travel).  Not cool! So I will probably never go by myself again without him.  Whenever I saw something totally cool, I said to Jen......man Justin would have loved that! There is just something totally priceless of sharing something like that with the one you love, and both being equally excited about it!

To say the least, I am very thankful for the Westerbeek's and letting me come along and being so gracious to me the whole trip! Now it's back into the swing of things.....It's nice and you almost forget how much you can miss the daily grind....when the one you LOVE is in the midst of it.
Justin had a great time filling his weekend with lot's of cool things....He got to go on a ride along with his brother Darrin, He got to hang out with his friend Andrew, and see his family! what a cool way to catch up!

Anywho! hope ya'll are having an awesome weekend!

Loves

My Birthday and Baby Silas.....Pure Joy!

So for the past couple days Justin and I have been celebrating alot of things! For one, my brother Matt and his wifey Amy, just gave birth to their new baby boy, Silas McCormick Hawkins. 

He is perfect in every single way.  I have to say... they make some beautiful little kiddos.  We got the call on Sunday the 15th at about 15 to 8p.m. that Amy was going into hard labor.  Now this is no regular let's go to the hospital.... visiting hours are over.... blah blah blah... Amy is SUPERWOMAN! She had both Ali Joy and Silas at home! What a peaceful place to birth your own children! It was such a precious moment to not be around beeping and nurses bugging you, and it was awesome to just come over, plop myself on their bed and say hi to my new nephew! Amy did so awesome, she and Matt make some rather large babies.  He was 9 lbs 8 oz.  Ali was one pound less. 

On another note, it was my Birthday on Tuesday.  Which means...I was able to spend my birthday with some very important and awesome people.  In the couple days that I spent celebrating all these things...There are just a few people I haven't been able to see and you know who you are JENNN WESTERBEEK! and Craigory! lol..  

Someone took this awesome picture of my brother matt holding Silas' hands and me looking in awe.....

Over all this was the best birthday, considering up until sunday I pretty much had forgotten it was my birthday until Justin told me, EVER! It was so relaxing and I had my man, and my family, and friends.  It was super awesome!

One truely blessed woman right here.
Loves!