Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Thankfulness in the darkest of times

As I look back on the last 7 weeks, I don't think I have expressed my gratitude  through any form of writing. It doesn't mean that my gratitude is diminished or isn't official because I haven't written about it, but I want to document just how thankful I am so I can look back and show Luke just how much love there is in our lives.
The day Luke was born, was one of the scariest (because I had no clue what I was doing right down to how to push him out), the most elated, filled day of my life. I fell deeper on love with Justin and most importantly, deeper in love with God. Here is this tiny, but huge (9 lbs 13 oz) baby that just came out of me.... How do I respond to this? You just soak it in. You don't have to have an agenda and get him on a schedule. Just roll with it. 

When we brought him home, a few things didn't feel right inside and I felt terrified. The car ride home was the worst. I thought every bump he was going to wake up, or something aweful was going to happen. It didn't. 

Then that night Luke starts showing signs that there was somethig wrong. He hadn't eaten in a long time, 12 hours, he hadn't had a dirty diaper in a while, he was moaning and he had a fever. So we took him back to the hospital at 2 days old. I know you all know the story.... But what most of you don't know is how scared I was. We thought our beautiful baby boy was surely going to die. I thought to myself, he's dead. For sure. But God's grace and love were poured out onto us so greatly. 

When he was admitted to the nicu, we told ourselves to reach out to our family and friends. We knew we couldn't do this alone, and we didn't have to. That's exactly what we did. From our family, church family, family friends, to my boss, people came to pray. They prayed over us, with us, for us when we didn't have the words to speak ourselves. God knew our hearts. God knew just what we needed. He place those in our life at that moment, and we will forever be grateful. For those of you who came, you have no idea what kind of impact you made. We were so overwhelmed with the feeling of love. Love is something that shows itself in so many forms.  From bringing a meal, to just being there, to writing a card, to a hug. I only hope one day we will be able to show love like others have shown us. 

So here is my unending gratitude. Thank you for the love, prayers, meals, talks, hugs, and real conversations. Thank you for letting us just be and giving us space to sort it all out in our heads. Thank you for holding me while I cried inconsolably, and thank you for loving my family. It means beyond words and I can never repay you. 
This is what being the hands and feet of Jesus truly means. I am huge on that. If you aren't acting on your faith, then what is faith? If you aren't moving you are being stagnant. If you are beig stagnant, you aren't growing. God wants the very best for us. He wants is growing in Him and in ourselves. Beauty comes from that. 

So thank you from the deepest parts of our souls. We love you all and are forever grateful for you. 

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