Someone I want you to meet..........

So we've had an adventure for the past 3+ weeks.  There is someone whom my heart loves and adores beyond comprehension....his name is Luke Matthew...

He was born on 7/21/14 at 11:38 a.m. weighing in at 9 lbs. 13 oz.  and 22 inches long.  He couldn't be more perfect.  With his very own full head of blonde hair. 

Our story looks like a happy one but little did we know that just less than 15 hours after this picture was taken, our entire world was going to be turned upside down. 

I think I will start off on a happy note and give my birth experience, since it happened first and was pretty awesome.  

My original due date was July 26th, but because I had the gestational diabetes, I was going to need to be induced early, so they scheduled me for 7/23, I know, just 3 days before...lame! But I digress.  I ended up going into Labor and Delivery on the 20th with a dull headache that had lasted me 2 days or so.  It wasn't incredibly painful, like a migraine or anything, but they said if I have a persistent headache that wouldn't go away with Tylenol, to go in.  So I did.  

We arrived around noon and I actually had to wait to be seen because all the triage beds were full, so we waited about 45 min to be seen.  I just about told Justin to forget it because my headache was almost gone and I didn't want to waste the day at the hospital when I was feeling better. Then, they called my name.  So we headed into the room and get all hooked up to the monitor to see how Luke was doing.  They check my blood pressure and it was elevated.  They had tested my urine for protein and it was negative.  ( A sure sign I would have pre-eclampsia, but there was none, so phew!) I was monitored for about an hour and a half and the routine they were doing was a little different this time.  I have been into L&D multiple times for different reasons.  They took blood, which they never do.  I had  a different wrist band on, which they said was just in case I was admitted.  So the Dr comes in, does a cervical check (tells me I'm 3 cm and 100% effaced) and basically tells me that he is concerned and wants to induce me now.  uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....I'm sorry, what!?!?!!? 

I literally said that to him, and he asked me if that was okay?  I said.....OK.  I was in shock.  I wasn't prepared and my mind was going 5,000 miles an hour.  I wasn't ready.  I had things to do still.  Like....I don't know what, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to feel empty, to feel nothing inside once he was out.  I wasn't ready for it to not just be Justin and I, not yet.  But ready or not, this was happening.  So by 3 p.m. I was hooked up to Pitocin, had a call in to my mom to bring the rest of the stuff we needed, and we started calling our people.  You know the ones who you want there when this shindig goes down.  So we called Justin's mom, Marianne, and Amy.  My mom was already on her way down.

Here I am, Huge and happy!

  I was pretty determined at that point to labor through as much as I could on my own.  I was doing pretty good, staying on top of the contractions by focusing and breathing through them.  By 10 p.m. the anesthesiologist had come by to talk to me, since I had said I eventually wanted an epidural at some point.  He was pretty good, he talked me into getting one then, instead of at 3 am and I'm so glad he did. The worst part of the epidural was the numbing stuff he first injected so I wouldn't feel anything.  Oh dear Lord, that hurt! I hated the feeling of one of my legs being "dead."  I ended up having an allergic reaction to the epidural so they gave me some benedryl, which helped me sleep for about 3 hours.  My mom, Justin, Cindy, Marianne and Amy were all on rotation all night long.  My room ended up being the sleeping room that they came to crash out in. I felt so loved and so safe with all these people here with me.  I felt like no matter what happened, I had all the people I loved there. It was a very calming feeling.  

The Dr came in, and asked if it was okay to check me and of course I said yes, I was pretty curious to know where I was at.  So at 5 am, she checked me and I was at 5 cm and still 100% effaced.  Holy smokes! So she broke my water, and I thought.....Seriously, this was about to get going.  So at 9 am, she came back and checked me and I was like 9.5/10 cm dilated.  I had one part of my cervix that wasn't dilating like the rest so it created like a lip, so they continued to wait to see if it would fix itself.  The midwife came in at about 10:45 and said that I could start pushing, super casual, on my own, just to get a feel for it.  She showed me how to do it by doing a few pushes with me, and then left for a few minutes.  Justin was counting them out for me and we were doing it.  The midwife came back in and felt to see where his head was, and it was right at my cervix, so she literally stretched my cervix so his head could get around the lip.  Once his head was through it was smooth sailing from there.  I had Justin on my super dead leg and Cindy and my mom were taking turns holding up my other leg.  Because Luke was so big, they needed my hips to open up wide and I couldn't do that on my own with the epidural.  I don't think I would have been able to do it without an epidural on my own.  So here we were Justin counting out my pushes, My mom's holding my legs and 40 something minutes later, out comes this huge, blonde haired little man.

Our midwife, Alicia, catching Luke on his way out!

All I kept thinking through pushing was get him out.  Do whatever you can to get him out.  I was pretty bound and determined to push him through.  I know that I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it if I had not had the epidural.  Have you met me?  I don't do pain very well. I know that I wouldn't have been able to stay on top of the contractions and I would have spiraled out of control.  I just couldn't do that to me or the process.  It wasn't something I wanted to look back on and not even care to do it again because of that. 

I just remember them putting him on my chest and I just started rubbing him.  About 5 minutes after I delivered him, the midwife was encouraging me in a controlled push, to push out the placenta.  Then I had to be stitched up.  She was down there for some time. I still don't know how many I had, as she lost count.  I just felt so relived to have him here and he was healthy, and I just remembered feeling relief.

This was when they put him on me, and I just remember rubbing him.

The next moments were a blur, and I can't really recall what was going on.  The next thing I know I have him in my arms and we are trying to breastfeed.  Which wasn't going to great, but we were trying.  After that, We are being wheeled into what will be our room until we leave.  I feel like it was so long ago, that these days were happening.  I remember walking was not fun, and neither was sitting.  I remember thinking, how bad did I tear! We made it through the day with breastfeeding as much as we could and changing diapers left and right. 

The next morning, I had fed him at 8:30 am and then he had his circumcision at 9:30 am.  He came back and we were being geared up for discharge.  They told me he would sleep a lot and probably not have much of an appetite from it.  OK.  So at 2 p.m. we start to leave and to head home.  Most nerve racking car ride of my life!  

So we are finally home, and he is still not eating.[when everything goes to hell ] By 10 p.m. he still hadn't eaten and I was pretty worried, but then he finally ate at around 11 p.m.  Then he started to cry non stop. The cry soon turned into a moan, and we realized he hadn't had a pee or poop diaper since he ate. He then spiked a temp and I had Justin call Kaiser to talk to them.  They said to immediately bring him in.  So here we are, 5 am, haven't even had him home for 24 hours, and we are heading back to the ER.  They see him right away, and I'm a hot hot mess.  I'm crying, I am so exhausted,  and I have a super hero husband sitting by my side holding my hand the entire time.  

The Dr comes in and starts to assess him.  Mean while he is just as lethargic as can be.  She all of sudden looks at us and says, okay, we are going to run some blood work, do this and that and do a SPINAL TAP.  ummm, I'm sorry, your going to do what to my new born son?  I thought she was just over reacting.  But I said okay.  The techs came in and started poking and prodding our son as he sits there screaming through it all.   I'm sitting there crying my brains out because I can't do anything for him.  I just have to let them do their job.   Then the Pediatric Dr. came down to talk to us, he said they think he has an infection and it is effecting the blood and they still needed to do a spinal tap. He then told us he was going to admit him into the NICU.   I just thought, holy crap, this is super serious.  

We are rolled upstairs and the NICU DR comes and talks to us.  What she is insinuating is what I ask her out loud, Bacterial Meningitis, and she says YES.  My vision turns to tunnel vision and I automatically assume that our son is going to die.  I find out later that Justin was thinking the same exact thing.  I'm thankful that Dr. Mendoza had taken us into a private room, because I all but lost it at that moment.  She was so gracious and stepped out for a moment.  While we soaked it in.  

As the days started to pass, they had done a blood culture on him that first day of being admitted.  They had originally thought it was Group B strep, which I was tested for at 35 weeks and I tested negative.  They couldn't figure out how I had tested negative.  They finally did a second blood culture and both came back Group D, not Group B.  The day he was admitted was a Wed morning.  By the time Friday came, I was exhausted and I wasn't resting.  That late evening, I had woken up from a nap, and started to shake uncontrollably.  I spiked a slight temperature, and I just felt achy.  Justin and my mom brought me in to urgent care at about 5 pm. We were supposed to be heading back to the hospital to see Luke and we were going to be giving him his first bath. But, as the night progressed I became incoherent,  I had a fever of 103, I had a headache the size of the world, and I just didn't feel good.  I was admitted to hospital by 9 pm that night.  After blood work and all that jazz, they determined that I had post partum pre eclampsia, a uterine lining infection and they also did a blood culture on me.  Come to find out I really didn't have Group B, I had group D.  Group D comes from the colon, so there are a ton of risk factors involved.  So let's fast forward.  

My test results for the blood culture come back as Group D. Now this Group D and B are natural floras that are in your body.  The hormones in my body just made the group D flourish and was an infection in my blood.  It then spread to Luke through the birthing process as early as probably when they broke my water.  It went into his blood stream and into his spinal fluid, since the blood barrier is very thin in newborns.  I also had post partum pre-eclampsia.  So they had to start me on magnesium right away.  I had a uterine lining infection and on top of that beyond severe swelling. So....who says pregnancy isn't fun?

Part of Group D strep also, can effect your heart valves, like infect them with it. I was told that I could have lost my life as well with this infection.  My poor husband is a wreck with his wife and son both deathly sick and both in the hospital.  All I could think that first night was that we were missing Luke's first bath.  I felt like we were all spiraling out of control and I couldn't understand why this was happening.  I have never prayed so much in my life to have God heal us both and I just remember pleading with Him for Luke's life. 

It was a hard time for me in the hospital as they wouldn't let me see Luke (who was 20 feet down the hall in the NICU) until they were sure I wasn't contagious and we wouldn't harm each other by what we both had.   Finally, Sunday came around and I was told I could go see my baby.  So Justin cautiously walked me over and I was able to sit with him for a while and hold him.  It didn't take long for me to start feeling bad again, so we went back to the room and I rested.  I was finally discharged on Tuesday and we started a routine of back and forth to the hospital twice a day.  We would go in the morning and come home in the afternoon to rest, to return in the evening until about 10.  These days were getting long, but Luke was improving with each passing day.  His IV's kept blowing out, so at this point, the hardest part was listening to him scream while they would change them out.  I had to be pretty persistent with the nurses to change out his IV's as they would just push the meds and flushes while he was screaming.  He NEVER did that if the line was in right.  Yes, the flush is uncomfortable, but not painful.  Luke is not a fussy baby by any means, so I knew something was wrong with this.  They listened to me and sure enough the line would be out and they would have to find a different spot to hook up the IV.  MOMS: Always trust your gut.

Literally the next week and few days were a blur and I can't believe we are here and we have had him home for a week now.  We are slowly building into a routine here.  He's a slow eater and loves to sleep.  He always falls asleep while we are feeding him, but he eventually gets it all in.  He drinks between 4 and 6 ounces at a time....usually on the lower side of that.  He was up to 6 oz in the NICU. I know...my son is a fatty.  But he is a healthy, beautiful, bright eyed, perfect little fatty.  The nurses in the NICU loved him SO much.  Because of all the hair he had and how blonde it was, he soon became known as Brad Pitt in the NICU.  They even started calling him Brad and some of the nurses didn't even know his real name. lol  They would come over to me and ask and just share how good of a baby he is and what a delight it was to have him there.

The nurses in the NICU are one of a kind.  If you have ever had your babies in the NICU, you may know what I'm talking about.  They are the warmest, most kind hearted men and women, I think, in the field.  Luke received such amazing care from them and the Dr's.  They all worked as a team to save our baby boy's life.  He is alive today because of their quick response and by the grace of God.  We are so blessed to have him with us today.

Parenthood is a whole new world. No one can prepare you for it.  The sleeplessness you encounter along with the headaches from not sleeping.  Sinus infections no longer matter, they become second to everything that is not your baby.  Sleep is something that I think...hey if it happens, great, if not, Luke is happy and healthy.  It's not so hard to get out of bed anymore when your baby is crying.  Luke gives me purpose in life.  I struggled so hard to find that, for years actually.  I prayed and prayed for God to show me my purpose here on this earth and what I was meant to do.  No job has ever been able to satisfy me inside as much as taking care of my son has for the last 7 days.
Yes, its exhausting, no I have no clue what day it is, Yes the smell of formula diapers gags me in a way nothing else can.......but you know what?  I wouldn't trade any of those things for anything else in this life.  I wouldn't want our life to be any different.   So, I'll stick to my coffee, sudafed, and endless days if it means I get to have just one more day on this earth with the two people that matter the most to me......