For the past couple weeks I have been reading and keeping updated on a family back in Indiana. Here is a link to her blog http://lisahusmann.wordpress.com/. I don't particularly know these people, but their story has deeply touched me and I have faithfully been praying for them. As of last night Jaxton passed away at only 2 weeks of life. He was a miracle baby to live that long. They are truly a remarkable family of God and their strength and love for God just astounds me.
Hearing the news of the horrific tsunami that hit Japan, just tore me apart today as I was sitting at my desk this morning watching devastating videos of the tragedy. I have this deep gut feeling that we, living in California are next. Not to say that I know exactly when that will happen or if it even will, but I worry.
I know that my faith has staggered off and on, which is funny how if you think about it.. God doesn't love us one day and then phase out of my life for a few weeks or months....No....He is always there....So why do i have such a hard time being focused on Him all the time. I don't leave Justin for any given time, he is my husband. I hate that something tragic makes me draw closer to HIM, when it should be all the time. I hear....."the end times are near, get your heart right with God." That is so a cop out. It should always be right with God. He is your father, your healer, your protector, your grace, and your Love of all time.
I have been really bitter lately in regards to God and I think life in general. With so much going on, I know I need to draw near to Him, but I don't, I push away. I have always done so. I hate that I do this. There is so much hate and fear and horrible things going on in the world, that why would you want to feel more alone than ever, when you can feel safe and loved by the One who controls everything in this world! His love is never ending, never failing, always true. i know these words, I hear them, I say them. But I just can't get it! I love God with all of my being, why can't I nurture our relationship?
I feel guilty for the way I act and feel. God deserves more from me.....He deserves all of me. not just when I feel like it. I want to give ALL of me to Him! I guess it just comes down to priorities. I know this has turned into an Amber blog, not a Gerhart family update blog, and for that I'm sorry. Most of what I blog about, effects Justin as well. Our spiritual life, not just mine. Our finances, not just mine. I'm feeling so much sadness for so many at this time, I can't help to call on the One who can heal and save.
On a lighter note, we are going out tonight with our friends Jenn and Craig. Craig is sending us girls out to dinner! What a guy! It will be good to catch up and have GIRL TIME!
Hope you all have a great day!
Loves!
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Hey love. Wow. Just reading your last two posts.....you and I are connected on some weird level....I have been thinking exactly the same things. All of this tragedy lately ....really brings as sickening awareness to my relationship with God as well...and the lack thereof. I hear you on feeling the guilt and sadness in realizing where we are in our connection with HIM....
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I think God sends us 'flares' if you will. Large road signs and red flags that He WANTS us to see and to feel.
It's like that saying ' At times God is in the wind, at times God whispers, and at times God SCREAMS to pull us back into HIS arms' :)
Remember, his mercies are new every morning. That is something we can take great comfort in. You and I can both start over each morning - and on the right foot.I love you....maybe when we are all together we should try to just read a verse or two and contemplate....it sounds like we are all in the same place.
Lots of love love! You are amazing, and you CAN do anything. One day at a time, call me!
i agree with kathy on that. i definately have felt the same things about my relationship with God. I think that it is also important to keep in mind that we will never be spiritually perfect. We are human and we make mistakes. God knows this and is willing to forgive us of our mistakes when we ask for forgiveness. anyway, i know how you feel and have lots more to say on the subject if you wanna chat sometime soon just let me know.
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