There are so many times in my life where I struggle. I struggle with work, commitment, being someone's friend, my relationship with God. My "Easy" button if you will is so very easy for me to push. When I do push it, I find I'm even more unhappy than I was before. Lately, I've been solely focused on my relationship with God, or lack there of. I know it takes work and diligence to keep a healthy, strong relationship with my heavenly father.
I'm finally at the age where I can identify why I am feeling the way I am and what I am lacking in my life. Right now, everything I'm going through is based on my lack of relationship with God.
I get so caught up in the mundane things of life, that I totally put God in the back of everything. I push Him so far back, that I have no clue how to even get back to where I need to be with Him
and in relation with Him.
I let myself go so deep that it starts in on my self confidence, how I am with other people,
how I'm living my life. It's just a mess!
I recently heard or saw something that just totally triggered me. Someone said, "The more you fall in love with Jesus, the more you will fall in love with your husband."
This completely makes sense to me. If I'm not being fulfilled by Jesus, and I expect my husband to fill that void, I will never fully feel loved. My expectations will go out the window and be let down.
I want this to be true for both of the leading men in my life. God and Justin.
I need to study and see why I am so in love with Jesus. I need to read His words, read his love pouring out of those pages of the Bible.
I think my biggest problem, is taking responsibility and accepting that I AM the only one who can change anything.
It doesn't just happen......WHAT?
DING DING DING!
That's right Amber, relationships take work, hard work. And, when those relationships aren't fed and nurtured, they fall apart.
I'm sort of just rambling on here. It soothes my soul to just write. Something that I haven't done in a long long time. I used to write all the time. Now....I'm just numb. I don't have anything to share.
I want that back. I want inspiration. I want to live.
I'm done being numb. I'm done being sorry for myself. I'm done not having the things in life that should rock my world everyday, because of ME.
I know you might not understand, read this and think wow! Amber is all kinds of CRAZY!
But that's okay, honestly. My head is a jumbled mess. I've never been good at compartmentalizing my feelings. They are just kinda all over the place.
I want to live for Jesus, I want to see His face EVERYDAY!
Time to get out of this FUNK!
-PEACE
I not only understand but I completely agree. Some of the most fruitful experiences with my loved one have been when we are both actively seeking God in our lives. Expecting the other to fill in voids we create ourselves from God is not only unrealistic but selfish. I am always battling between the person God dreams for me to be and the person I allow myself and others to manifest. I hope you can encounter Jesus in an intimate and honest way. Taping into a grace filled experience can really help deepen your relationship with God and keep you coming back through the minor and major struggles in life. For me, I have found that simply spending time with God can be a source of comfort, taking a walk with Him, sitting on a bench reflecting back on my day. I don't always feel that I have to have crazy passionate prayer experiences with a Bible in one hand and a candle in the other. If that works for you great but sometimes just wasting time in the Lord can be so powerful. Simply talk to Him about you and your experiences but above all make the time to listen, to listen to that whisper in your heart where He calls you His beloved child.
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