Struggles

There are so many times in my life where I struggle.  I struggle with work, commitment, being someone's friend, my relationship with God.  My "Easy" button if you will is so very easy for me to push.  When I do push it, I find I'm even more unhappy than I was before.  Lately, I've been solely focused on my relationship with God, or lack there of.  I know it takes work and diligence to keep a healthy, strong relationship with my heavenly father.  

 I'm finally at the age where I can identify why I am feeling the way I am and what I am lacking in my life.  Right now, everything I'm going through is based on my lack of relationship with God.  

I get so caught up in the mundane things of life, that I totally put God in the back of everything.  I push Him so far back, that I have no clue how to even get back to where I need to be with Him 

and in relation with Him.  

I let myself go so deep that it starts in on my self confidence, how I am with other people, 

how I'm living my life.  It's just a mess! 

I recently heard or saw something that just totally triggered me.  Someone said, "The more you fall in love with Jesus, the more you will fall in love with your husband."

This completely makes sense to me.  If I'm not being fulfilled by Jesus, and I expect my husband to fill that void, I will never fully feel loved.  My expectations will go out the window and be let down.  

I want this to be true for both of the leading men in my life.  God and Justin.  

I need to study and see why I am so in love with Jesus.  I need to read His words, read his love pouring out of those pages of the Bible. 

I think my biggest problem, is taking responsibility and accepting that I AM the only one who can change anything.  

It doesn't just happen......WHAT?

DING DING DING!

That's right Amber, relationships take work, hard work.  And, when those relationships aren't fed and  nurtured, they fall apart.  

I'm sort of just rambling on here.  It soothes my soul to just write.  Something that I haven't done in a long long time.  I used to write all the time.  Now....I'm just numb.  I don't have anything to share.  

I want that back.  I want inspiration.  I want to live.  

I'm done being numb.  I'm done being sorry for myself. I'm done not having the things in life that should rock my world everyday, because of ME. 

I know you might not understand, read this and think wow! Amber is all kinds of CRAZY! 

But that's okay, honestly.  My head is a jumbled mess.  I've never been good at compartmentalizing my feelings. They are just kinda all over the place.  

I want to live for Jesus, I want to see His face EVERYDAY! 

Time to get out of this FUNK! 

-PEACE

CAUTION! Heart is ON my sleeve!

****Please be aware that there are some very real, heart wrenching feelings being expressed on this post!



Today has been a very emotional roller coaster for me.  It is stemming from my lack of connection with God.  I often find myself in this position every so often.  I find my self engaging in some not so good for me things, totally not seeking God and just ignoring how I'm feeling to be quite honest.  Last night my mom's very dear friend had a dream that she shared with my mom this morning about my mom and dad. This very dear friend of my mom's has always had very prophetic dreams her whole life.  She has a very strong relationship with God and this is one of her gifts.  The basics of the dream is this:  They were in the church where I grew up in, and in the middle of worship, my mom went to the alter to pray....like on her hands and knees....soon after my dad went down and joined her.  They were praying and crying and seeking God and feeling his presence.   This part of the dream is very profound for my mom, as it totally hits what is going on in her life at the moment.  My mom is a power pray-er.  The next thing that my mom's friend says is what gets me.....As there was no one else but my mom and dad at the alter, she looks over and see's another woman in the same position that   my mom and dad had just been in with her face touching the ground...My mom's friend had a strong feeling it was me.  She goes on to state, how God HEARS, SEES, and KNOWS our hearts and our prayers.  This is so profound to me as I have felt so incredibly distant from God as of lately.  The fact of the church where this was happening is so significant as well.  It means God has been loving us all this time.   We attended that church when I was just a baby....So my whole life, God has been there......Listening, Holding me, loving me and HEARING me when I cry out.

I have felt like God has been so silent to me lately, but I know it's because I'm not seeking.  When I seek, I will find Him and see His face.  I know this to be true.  I know He loves me no matter what.  All the emotions that I am feeling are real and are very in your face.  It's time to step up and own my relationship.  There is something so powerful in knowing that God loves us and He is the one who can keep us safe.

Life is hard, and it doesn't always come in rainbows and lollipops.  But knowing that there is a God who loves you and it routing in your corner, makes it that much easier to deal with the hard stuff when you feel like you just can't anymore.

Body by Vi....Fail.

Hey All!

Sorry it's been a minute since I've last posted, but here I am.  (Yes, I did just use some very Ghetto slang).  Welcome to my world all! As you all know I started the 90 day challenge a couple weeks ago.  I was doing really well on it, and I was actually loving it, but then I started having headaches every single day and my stomach was getting pretty upset.  I felt like I had a pit in my stomach everyday.   Not to mention, I gained 2 lbs in the process.  So needless to say I ended my relationship with Body by Vi 12 days into my challenge.  The day after into the next day after that, I started to feel so much better! Headaches were gone, my stomach finally felt better  and I lost the 2 lbs.  Not sure what the deal was, but I know that MY body didn't like it.

So now i'm back on my way to being a healthy, independent, machine! I know I can choose foods that will be good for me and that will sustain me.  I just have to drink my water and eat my fruits and veggies.  I'll just go back to what I know! And what worked.

I'm tired of disappointment being a set back or discouragement.  I will no longer let those things effect me.  I'm the only one that can get what I want the most of this life.  I have complete control over, besides God.

I feel confident in myself to do these goals that I so desperately want to achieve.  It will be a slow process...Weight doesn't just come of like butter....but i know in the long run, my body will love me for it!

VISalus

So as some of you guys know, I started a 90 day Challenge with ViSalus.  It's been pretty awesome so far.  My challenge started on Sept. 1 and will go until November 30.  In that time, I hope to achieve loosing 30 lbs. So far.  I have lost .6 in 5 days.  I'm a little bummed, because I should be loosing 2.5 lbs. a week.  I'm def.  not discouraged or wanting to give up at all.  I actually really like this program, and the best part about it....I FEEL GREAT! I have tons of stomach issues usually, and now I have none (except for yesterday when I ate those chili cheese fries...oye! NEVER again!)

It's a really awesome product that I drink in a shake form twice a day, and have one good meal and two snacks.  So far I'm in love and it's super easy.  Now all I need to do is start working out.   The even better part of all of this is the price.....I get 60 meals for $99 buckaroonies! I mean no one can buy that anywhere! It's so affordable.  It's awesome! Here's to a healthier, happier, baby ready body ME!


If you guys want more info on this product just go here. 

I'll check in periodically, but for now....just staying focused and trying to love life the best way I can...by loving myself!