One of my amazing, most genuine, most amazing best friends is currently and has been on the hunt for balance in her life. I try to help her and give her sound advice about her job and life in general, as well as just listen to what she is going through. She has a tough job, a respectable job, but non the less it is a very tedious and demanding job. Last night while we hung out after an amazing kickoff to Glendale Relay for Life, we were talking about balancing life again. I suddenly realized that as much as my life looks balanced on the outside....it's really not.
So then I started to think about what is my problem! Mostly I think about why I cannot get fully motivated to loose weight. What is keeping me back? Why can I find EVERY in the book to not do it! When I had my personal trainer, Keva, for 3 weeks, I did pretty well actually. I was pretty proud of myself. But when it came to cardio on my own, I completely failed. I came up with some reason why I couldn't make it to the gym that day. To tell you the truth, I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety issues lately, and it is finally to the point where my doctor thinks I need to see a psychiatrist. Oh JOY!
WAIT WHAT!
A psychiatrist? Are you kidding me?....were my thoughts exactly! I do not want meds, I do not want someone telling me I'm crazy!
Which is exactly how it makes me feel!
But I figure if i'm there to talk about anxiety, then maybe I will be fine. Maybe they will just tell me ways I can channel my anxiety to be productive.
More so than anything along side anxiety, I think all of this comes down to my self worth. How much do I think I am worth to be healthy? For me, for Justin, for our future kiddos. Apparently, it must not be very high if I can't do anything about it. I just wonder when will that change? What needs to happen in order for me to be kicked in the gut and realize that it's a lifestyle and not just something I need to do. What is it that is going to click? All these things ring true in my mind, and yet I cannot get the will power to get off the dang couch and move! I feel intimidated and almost lost in myself when these feelings come into play of me not wanting to do it.
Anywho.......all my friends have tried to help me in some way, and I just couldn't get through it. Hopefully there will be a change sooner than later. For my health's sake.
Ambs, you can absolutely get through this. I know it with all of my heart. While the psychiatrist may feel a little ....much.....who knows....maybe they can give you some tools that no one else has been able to think of, you know? I don't think they are sending you because you are crazy, and they cannot force you to take meds!! And you bet your butt if anyone even speaks of a white jacket I will bust out my HAMMA TIME moves on them!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes the solutions to our biggest fears are solutions that make us uncomfortable....and sometimes we need that jolt, or that kick in the pants and uncomfortable feeling to instigate change! :) Change is not easy, but it is so necessary....especially when we are fighting stagnancy or bad habits (speaking to myself here too lol)
You are an amazing woman. God has plans, trust Him first, and take those first baby shuffles. Lean on your friends, your hubs, and your fam.
You can You can You can YOU WILL!
Amber my love!! I understand a lot of what you are saying. I am in the same boat with finding every excuse in the book not to do the things that I keep telling myself that I need to do. As far as the psychiatrist, I am the right person to talk to if you need advice. You know I have been there, done that. I struggled for awhile with that idea that going to a psychiatrist/therapist would make people think that I was "crazy". I never wanted to take a pill everyday only to remind myself everyday that I was "crazy".
ReplyDelete-It isn't like that. Sometimes it just helps to talk to somebody who is trained to deal with what you are going through!! IT HELPS! It can help calm your mind. As far as meds go, that is your decision. But take it from somebody who has been on anxiety medicine...sometimes it just gives you the room you need to breathe a little. It gives you that little bit of space you need to get everything under control. I know it is a scary thought, but it isn't the end of the world, it helped me out a lot. Ultimately it is your decision, and Kathy is right, nobody can make you take medicine if you don't want to.
But for me, medicine just gave me to boost I needed to get things in my life in order. I love you tons hunny and I am here for you always!!
Thanks you guys. You are the best. I love you both and i know we all have our flaws. Thanks for helping me stay focused and positive. muah!
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