CAUTION! Heart is ON my sleeve!

****Please be aware that there are some very real, heart wrenching feelings being expressed on this post!



Today has been a very emotional roller coaster for me.  It is stemming from my lack of connection with God.  I often find myself in this position every so often.  I find my self engaging in some not so good for me things, totally not seeking God and just ignoring how I'm feeling to be quite honest.  Last night my mom's very dear friend had a dream that she shared with my mom this morning about my mom and dad. This very dear friend of my mom's has always had very prophetic dreams her whole life.  She has a very strong relationship with God and this is one of her gifts.  The basics of the dream is this:  They were in the church where I grew up in, and in the middle of worship, my mom went to the alter to pray....like on her hands and knees....soon after my dad went down and joined her.  They were praying and crying and seeking God and feeling his presence.   This part of the dream is very profound for my mom, as it totally hits what is going on in her life at the moment.  My mom is a power pray-er.  The next thing that my mom's friend says is what gets me.....As there was no one else but my mom and dad at the alter, she looks over and see's another woman in the same position that   my mom and dad had just been in with her face touching the ground...My mom's friend had a strong feeling it was me.  She goes on to state, how God HEARS, SEES, and KNOWS our hearts and our prayers.  This is so profound to me as I have felt so incredibly distant from God as of lately.  The fact of the church where this was happening is so significant as well.  It means God has been loving us all this time.   We attended that church when I was just a baby....So my whole life, God has been there......Listening, Holding me, loving me and HEARING me when I cry out.

I have felt like God has been so silent to me lately, but I know it's because I'm not seeking.  When I seek, I will find Him and see His face.  I know this to be true.  I know He loves me no matter what.  All the emotions that I am feeling are real and are very in your face.  It's time to step up and own my relationship.  There is something so powerful in knowing that God loves us and He is the one who can keep us safe.

Life is hard, and it doesn't always come in rainbows and lollipops.  But knowing that there is a God who loves you and it routing in your corner, makes it that much easier to deal with the hard stuff when you feel like you just can't anymore.