Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Every few months it seems....

that I go through this overwhelming, stupidly, self blinding feeling of un-self worth.  I feel like no one likes me, and i'm a nuisance to everyone and everything.  I feel like my life is inevitably falling apart and everything is a mess.  I know this is the enemy getting the very best of me, but i'm not always sure on how to pull myself out.  I just end up one day feeling fine.  I wonder sometimes if I were a man, would I be going through so many emotions is a months time.  But then I really think about it, and I'm SOOOO glad i'm a woman!

I'm hoping my time in Belize will be a time of rejuvenation.  I know when we get back, I will have a fresh new start.
Financially
Spiritually
Self-Worth
Emotionally
Physically


I have a few goals for myself.  I have decided i'm going to start small, and keep going.


  • I want to run a mile.(Never, even when i was fit, could i run a mile.)
  • I want to be able to fit into a normal size bridesmaids dress. like a 14
  • I want to be able to drink water like a fish instead of hating it, i mean every single drop that goes down
  • I want to be able to fit into my smaller pair of jeans i have had waiting for me for a year now. 
  • i just want to be happy.  and love myself.
it's time.  I told myself I would not put a baby into this unhealthy body..And i won't. 

Not until i get healthy. If it takes me a year, So be it. 

Baby can wait.  God is in control of that.  I need to get me in order and right now i'm a Huge mess.  

Time to whip out those running shoes and just go.  i will be able to run eventually and it's going to take work...yes work..

do i want to do work...no

do i have to.........YES! 

It is going to be hard...YES! 


do i have a choice...NO! 


my life is at stake....there are too many chances to take, and not enough reasons why I can't.  


That's it I'm done...
Posted by Amber at 11:24 AM
Labels: ,

4 comments:

  1. MeganFebruary 8, 2012 at 3:33 PM

    hey my love. i think you have set some good goals for yourself that you can totally accomplish. if you don't like drinking water, try putting things in it to give it some flavor, like cucumber, or lemons and lime, mint, or other fruits. If you want to run a mile, start by walking a mile. Then add running to it little by little. Before you know if you will be able to run the whole mile. I love you tons, and hope you know that you are never a nuisance to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmberFebruary 9, 2012 at 4:49 PM

    hahahah! thanks for the tips megs! You've always been a runner in my heart! You are queen! I hope you are feeling better! ugh..I know the sickness is going around here too! me love love love you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. KathyFebruary 15, 2012 at 1:03 PM

    Love, what an honest and great post. You are never a nuisance here either - I love you every day, when life is busy and stressful, or when life is calm and sane. Open arms here always :)

    I am so proud of you for jotting down those goals...I know Belize will be all God has laid out to be for you...you can do anything with baby steps. I'm with megan on the water (it is all about those crystal light packets when I get sick of it for me, and lemon!!)

    Life is beautiful. You are beautiful and worth so much to so many. Know that you are loved, strong, and incredibly important :)
    xoxoxoo can't wait to see you when you are back!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)