Every few months it seems....

that I go through this overwhelming, stupidly, self blinding feeling of un-self worth.  I feel like no one likes me, and i'm a nuisance to everyone and everything.  I feel like my life is inevitably falling apart and everything is a mess.  I know this is the enemy getting the very best of me, but i'm not always sure on how to pull myself out.  I just end up one day feeling fine.  I wonder sometimes if I were a man, would I be going through so many emotions is a months time.  But then I really think about it, and I'm SOOOO glad i'm a woman!

I'm hoping my time in Belize will be a time of rejuvenation.  I know when we get back, I will have a fresh new start.
Financially
Spiritually
Self-Worth
Emotionally
Physically


I have a few goals for myself.  I have decided i'm going to start small, and keep going.

• I want to run a mile.(Never, even when i was fit, could i run a mile.)
• I want to be able to fit into a normal size bridesmaids dress. like a 14
• I want to be able to drink water like a fish instead of hating it, i mean every single drop that goes down
• I want to be able to fit into my smaller pair of jeans i have had waiting for me for a year now. 
• i just want to be happy.  and love myself.

it's time.  I told myself I would not put a baby into this unhealthy body..And i won't. 

Not until i get healthy. If it takes me a year, So be it. 

Baby can wait.  God is in control of that.  I need to get me in order and right now i'm a Huge mess.  

Time to whip out those running shoes and just go.  i will be able to run eventually and it's going to take work...yes work..

do i want to do work...no

do i have to.........YES! 

It is going to be hard...YES! 

do i have a choice...NO! 

my life is at stake....there are too many chances to take, and not enough reasons why I can't.  

That's it I'm done...