19 weeks 5 days

I can't believe I am almost half way through this pregnancy.  I will say again, pregnancy is not for the feint of heart.  Some have easy breezy experiences, others have okay experiences (which is where i am), and others just have a rough go at it. For week 19 I found myself going to Disneyland with the Hawkins clan.  We packed up the kiddos and headed for the magical kingdom.  I don't have any pictures because I didn't bring my phone in with me.  I wanted to be present and not be tempted to be on my phone.  I really need to invest in a good camera so I don't have the excuse of...I need my phone to take pictures with.  The kids did really well and I think I pooped out before the kids did.  I started getting a pretty bad headache around 5 pm that kept getting worse.  I also was having horrible deep sinus issues.  I remember having Justin pressing on my forehead while we were in line getting everyone ice cream while everyone else found a spot to watch the parade.  I was just done.   I'm sorry family for complaining! I digress....the kids had so much fun which is what we were aiming for.  They did have a lot of the rides down for maintenance.  I guess that's a thing in the winter, which makes sense.  We had a really nice lunch in DT Disney and then ate dinner in the park.
I ended up staying home from work on Tuesday as I woke up with that same darn headache.  I think I was just over exhausted as well.  This body hasn't done that much walking in one day in a LONG time.  lol.  It was good for me though.


I had Justin take a photo of my belly before we left for Disneyland and this is it:

 19 Weeks 3 days

I don't know about you, but I think I look smaller than last week.  Not sure why or what happened.  Could be the angle.  Let me show you 18 weeks again: 

18 weeks ? days 

Oh wait I do know why.  Above picture was taken in the morning.  18 week picture was taken at night.  That makes sense now.  lol.  

How am I feeling?  

I'm feeling good overall. Still pretty tired.  I am having more round ligament pain as well as shooting pain in that area even at rest.  I can feel Luke moving around way more and I can feel when he kicks me in the front.  I still can't feel when he kicks into me (towards my back).  I'm sure that will come soon enough.  Justin is anxious to feel Luke kick from the outside.  I've only experienced one kick so far that was hard enough to be able to maybe feel from the outside.  I have a pretty thick layer of fat covering my belly. (Just being real) 

I know that will come soon enough.  I love being able to feel Luke all the time as it reminds me I'm never alone. I know God is always with me, but I have a little human attached to me at all times! 

Hope you all are having a great week! 

Much Love! 

The Joy of July

I'm not sure if I have talked about what our due date means to me or not.  July is a hard month for my mom and dad as July is the birth month of their second child, Kelly Leigh Hawkins.  She unfortunately went to be with the Lord, 2 short months later.  Since she was born, 4 years prior to me being born, I don't really know how I feel about.  I wasn't affected the way my parents were.  What I do know, is how I have seen my mom mourn after her child, who was meant to be an angel, over the past 29 years I have been alive.  We as Christians can ask why, but we never fully understand why these things happen, but we know that we trust a very loving, trust worthy, adoring God.  I pray I will never know what it is to loose a child, but only God knows if that is our reality or not. God definitely does give and He does take away.  In this case, my parents got me, 4 years later, after what God took away from my mom and dad.  A very long, hard road was had, for me to be able to say I was born.  But, God restored their hearts and filled it again, with another baby girl.  Me.  

I think of the role we have in being parents and I am merely here to watch over and take care of God's child.  He chose Justin and I to be their parents and to nurture them.  I guess He thought we could do it.  

As I think about July, I feel like it is so fitting that we are having our very first baby that month.  Why?  the list is so long.  First of all, I never realized how special I was to my mom and dad, until I became a mom.  When you loose something you can't replace, and then try so hard to do it again. I get it now.  I was changed through Christ in my later 20's, but me growing up, was such a challenge for my parents.  I was a tough kid.  I have put my parents through so much heartache and I just get it now.  God has restored our relationship and my faith.  But I think how fitting that Kelly was born in July and we have a baby coming in July.   It overwhelms my heart and soul thinking about it really.   I feel like I will be able to deliver Joy in July for my parents and that warms my heart.  It's such a beautiful thing in the restoration process with my parents, for me anyway.   I'm not sure if mom and dad have really thought about it at all or not.  Since my mom reads this blog, I hope you find comfort, mom. Kelly will be watching down and celebrating when our little one comes into this world.  

So how does July effect me?  Deeply.  I now know what it is like for my mom every July.  Not because I have experienced it, but because I feel deeply for my mom's motherly heart.  I pray that from 2014 and on, July will not only be a month of loss but also Joy.  Great and deep Joy.  

18 weeks 3 days

So yesterday after church, Justin and I were sitting in the front office alone.  Justin was doing money stuff for his men's retreat coming up and I was just hanging out.  I ended up seeing some candy in there, and I stole a piece of chocolate. ;-)  As I'm sitting there pretty still, I felt a little kick on the right side of my lower abdomen.  I couldn't believe it! I immediately told Justin and he was pretty excited too.  He can't wait to feel the baby kick from the outside.  God knew how much I needed to feel that, as I was just feeling very out of sorts with not feeling the baby the last couple days.  It was perfect timing.  I also had a very first project that I made for baby G.  I made a flag banner to decorate the nursery with.  This said banner will also help us announce on Thursday what baby G will be, a guy or a gal.  We are just elated with joy and just can't wait to find out everything we can about our little baby.  Here is a picture of the banner I sewed, from scratch! It was so easy, just a little time consuming.  I think I could crank one out in an afternoon.  No, these colors are not gender specific.  The base colors of the nursery are gray and aqua.  We will pop different colors according to the gender of the baby.  

These are the 4 different fabrics I used

Sorry this is kind of fuzzy, but you get the gist of it. 

Also, here is my 18 weeks and 2 days picture.  I'm going to try and post a picture up every week so I can follow the progress of how baby is growing.  After Justin takes my picture he asks, "did you push out?" (crickets) Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, i'm sucking in! Oh how I love him.  I know he meant nothing by it, but I found it particularly funny.  (Excuse the pj's)

Thats all for now! I can't wait to share with you all on Thursday! 

Have a happy week!

17 weeks 6 days

I seem to not be able to find the time to weekly blog these days on my progression of the baby belly! It seems somewhere around week something or other the weeks have been flying by.  

On to what's important.  

This past week I have actually really popped out all of a sudden.  Here are some pictures from week 16 to week 17.  CRAZINESS I tell you! 

Week 16

Week 17

In week 16 you can still see my rolly polly tummy, but in week 17 it has smoothed out quite a bit! 

I've been feeling a lot better.  Still have major hip pain and the exhaustion is still there, but hey! I'm making a human! No more nausea except for when I'm in bed and I lay on my back for a few minutes, it's weird! 

The baby is the size of an onion this week and weighs a little less than 6 oz.  So tiny! 

Next week, Thursday, we have our anatomy scan which will determine gender! I cannot wait.  I'm beyond excited and it seriously can't get here faster.  This whole process is just surreal to me.  Sometimes I think it's weird that I'm pregnant, and the only reason I say that is because as much as I wanted kids, there was something deep down inside of me that thought that I wouldn't be able to have them naturally.  (welcome to my crazy place in my head).  

Poor Justin isn't getting very good sleep along with me these days.  I toss and turn constantly all night long due to the hip pain I have.  And I won't mention having to get up and pee all the time.  Nothing new and nothing no one has ever not gone through.   It's just part of the initiation process! 

I've been craving strawberries like no body's business lately.  I think we might clean out Costco of all of theirs! 

I don't have very much more to go on right now.  On Saturday, Justin and I will be celebrating Valentine's Day by going to the  aquarium and having lunch down there.   I'm really looking forward to that.  We haven't done anything fun like that, just the two of us, in a long time. 

Until next time, what do you guys think we are going to have?????

15 weeks and 5 days!

I can't believe how fast time is flying by.  We had an appointment this past Monday to meet our OB Dr.  We love her! We couldn't have asked for a better team to take care of us.  She is also super down to earth and she just knows her stuff.  (Obviously, because she is a doctor)  So far so good.  My blood pressure is great! My rate at which I'm gaining weight is great!  My testing they do every appt for glucose came back perfect.  Overall, this has been an extremely easy pregnancy.  I mean, I have my things, but I know other women who have it much worse with tons of complications and I'm just very thankful for what we have going on.  God is definitely watching over me and baby G.

I think I finally feel my energy coming back slowly but surely, and it's a little surreal because I know as soon as the 2nd trimester is over, so is my energy...and my breathing...and everything else.   lol.  I have been feeling more "flutters" as of lately.  It definitely only when I'm sitting or laying down.  I know what they say about what and when you should experience things, but I'm a firm believer in it's YOUR journey and YOUR body.  EVERYONE is different and no two pregnancies are the same.  Like at all.  They say that skinnier women tend to feel the baby sooner, ummmmmm seriously?  The stats out there are what make women treat each other so badly when it comes to mother hood and raising your kids.  That's the point, they are YOUR kids.  Not joe smoe down the street that you just have an opinion on.  They are YOURS! You are responsible for birthing them, feeding them, making sure they are safe, and loving them.  No one know's how to do it better for your kids than you (and your husband).  END OF RANT>

I have been noticing I'm feeling aggressive, not to scare you off.  I'm not towards people, but just in general.  I'm sure it's my hormones going cray cray, which in turn is making me cray cray. CRAY CRAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I digress, as today I ate chili cheese fries for lunch.  The whole not gaining any weight thing is getting to me.  I need to put on the brakes with that thought.  I mean once in a while I guess is okay, but right now I feel like I just ate crack and I'm shaking like a leaf.  Not to mention the sugar in the fruit punch is probably doing that to me.  BUT WAIT! Yesterday I ate really healthy, salads and all that.  So like I say again, I guess once in a while isn't to bad....Am I trying to convince you? or myself?  IDK.

We have our next appt on the 27 and that is a full anatomy scan.  Which means.....GENDER! YAY! I have to do my second state blood test for abnormalities that day as well.  First set of test results came back so negative, it's stupid, but oh so great to hear.  So they do it by chances, so the higher number you have the more negative you are.  Our numbers for Trisomy 18 came back in 1:92,000 yes i said 92,000.  And for Down's I believe it was in the same neighborhood, tens of thousands.  SO we felt really blessed by that!

I feel like God is giving me my biggest test in patience. I'm such an instant rewards type of person, I think that is why loosing weight hasn't worked out for me.....YET.   I'm learning tons of patience through this baby cooking stage.  I'm enjoying it, but I'm anxious and just want to meet our little guy or gal.

I know some of you are probably wondering where my belly pictures are.. To be honest ( and no this isn't a bashing to myself, its just a fact) You can't really tell the difference.  I just look really overweight, more so than I did before.  I'm not a stick that you can see a cute little baby bump  at 15 weeks.  I look more like i'm 25 weeks pregnant, because of my extra layer of love.   As soon as I feel comfortable doing pictures, I'll put some up.  As of right now.....you will just have to imagine it.

Until next time! I hope you are all doing well! I hope you can find joy in your life or circumstance and know that God is meeting you right where you are today!

13 weeks 6 days......

So I've been havin a shoulder issue for the past 3 days and I finally went to the chiropractor today.  When it wasn't feeling better I decided it was more of a muscle issue so I asked Justin if I could get a massage after work. So we did, and I figured Justinshould have one too since he's been tight in the shoulders lately. My massage started up facing up ad ten she had me turn over on my belly half way through.  I was a little weary of this because I have first time mom syndrome. You know, where you freak out about everything to the point of everyone around you either rolls their eyes at you or they want to punch you in the face, yea that syndrome! Anywho......

She assured me it was fine, and so she continued to crank my shoulder. Which was uhhhhmazing!  As I was laying there, 

I started to distinctly feel the baby. It was those flutters everyone is talking about but a little Stronger sice I was laying on my tummy.  I couldn't believe it! I thought what I had felt before was the baby, and I could have been right, but this was consistent and I felt it almost the entire time.   Baby was on the move! I felt so blessed to be able to feel those flutters. So amazing. It totally took my mid off the incredible pain that I'm having from my shoulder. Hopefully I can still focus on that as I'm going to bed in a lot of pain still.  Until next time! 

Week 13

I'm finally in week 13 as of Sat, and it feels good to be one step closer.  I feel like this journey has been so long already since we basically found out I was pregnant at 10 days along.  Welcome to infertility!

I've had many changes over the last week or so.  My exhaustion is still there, 10 fold it feels like some days.  My nausea is still there, just NOT with a vengeance. PTL! I still have a weird diversion to meat some days.  I never really know what to eat, but fruit is great! I can never go wrong with fruit!

Sleep is over rated these days.  I wake up a lot.  I usually can't get comfortable so I toss and turn all night.

I feel like my mood and my hormones have been doing pretty good, until this past week.  Oh boy.  I want to cry all the time.  I want to punch something or scream.  My fuse is super short and I just kinda want to stay holed up in the house so no one is around me.  My poor husband! He is so sweet and being so good to me through this process.  He is encouraging and such a good listener and just hears me when I complain about the 100 million things that are wrong with me.

Things that I cannot wait for are:  Feeling the baby move around and kick.  The sensation I was describing last week, has left the building.  (yes i feel so huge already that i feel like a building.  Not negative self talk, just what every pregnant woman feels like)  I'm excited to see our baby on an ultra sound again at the beginning of Feb.  So thankful for those ultra sounds.  They keep me sane.

I know with my next pregnancy I want to be a lot thinner and healthier so that I don't run into so many issues with the way that I am feeling.  Having experienced it first hand now, I will know what I don't want to do for next time.

This past Saturday, we moved all the stuff that was in my moms garage and in our storage unit to the place we will be living come June! My moms best friend, we call her Aunt Sherry, owns a home in Covina, and she will be moving in with her parents in Pasadena for who knows how long.  Her mom is going down hill pretty fast and I think her dad is doing okay.  But she will be living with them until they both pass.  She wanted someone she knew to stay in her house and watch it.   We fit the bill! We are getting it for a steal and couldn't be anymore blessed by it.  It is a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bathroom house with tons of storage and a huge back yard and front yard, and on top of it...its super cute! She is going to be doing some upgrades/ changes to the bathroom, kitchen and back covered patio before we move in.   I think it will be great.  She wants to sell it after her parents pass and who knows what will happen after that for us.  We are just thankful for the opportunity to bring our baby home to something that God knew we wanted so bad.  A place that wasn't an apartment(not that there is anything wrong with that) and that was quiet.  We also have central heat and air, as well as a dishwasher, and there is a covered patio that has a washer and dryer in it.  We are beyond blessed....