Trying to find my joy.....

Lately, I have seem to have misplaced something very valuable to my spirit....my Joy.  Lately, I feel like I've been on emotional roller coaster that I'm just not tall enough to go on.  Lately, I feel like the only thing holding me back from find my Joy, is myself.  I feel numb, I feel tired, and lately I feel like I could just burst into tears at any said moment.  But because I don't want to feel it, I don't, so I become numb once again.  I get teased because of how much I love kids.  My coworkers often tease me because they think I will steal a baby because I love them so much.  I talk of them often, more like everyday.  Why?  Because children and babies are so nieve to the world.  They are pure as well as is their Joy.  They see the world through crystal so clear, they can see Joy in everything.  The older I get, my joy is fogged by my glasses that I'm wearing.  I'm bogged down by the stresses of life.  Not being able to get pregnant when I want.  Not being out of debt when I want.  Life getting in the way of MY plans!

Well, let me be the first to say this.....My plans.....My plans.....they are NOT GOD'S plans.  My way may not be the right way.  When I start to loose my Joy, it's time to reevaluate why it's not there.  My glasses have fogged, my vision is blurred and I need to refocus my eyes on Him.  On Jesus.  My Savior. My God.

I want His plan for my life.  I want His time line of when we get out of debt.  I want Him to tell me if we are having kids and when.  I want to grasp that more than I want my next breath.  I want to be so wholly consumed by Him, my glasses are constantly clear, and I have faith like a child.

Having faith like a child.

Now you know why I love babies so much.  They are precious in His sight.

And so am I.